Tuesday, October 30, 2012


Excuse the mess while I process....

Food is everywhere! Did you know that? :) 

During the holidays (which have already started around the office) it seems like I can't avoid uncomfortable food situations. My will power is at just about none. It seems like all I've been writing (thinking, talking, obsessing) about is my desire to regain control over my food. My clothes are really uncomfortable and I refuse (REFUSE! REFUSE! REFUSE!) to buy a larger size. 

I've started recording again....several times...just starting. I don't want to record. I don't want to be stressed out because I am close to being over my calories. I don't want to eat just to eat so that I have enough calories. I want to find this magical place where I eat because I am hungry, crave healthy foods, and stop when I am full. Am I chasing something that doesn't exist? Can it exist for others and not for me? 

I ordered a subscription to Clean Eating magazine. I am intrigued with clean eating. Don't worry! I'm not going to become some crazy foodie who only eats orange on Monday's or drinks shakes while hanging upside down in my bathroom.

It's just food. Why, why, why is it so hard? 


Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Let's Play: Family Circuit

Sissy: I want to go to Gym A.
Bug: I want to go to Gym B.
Sissy: I want to go for a bike ride.
Bug: I want to play Kinect.
Mommy: I just want to work out. 

Solution????? Our very own home circuit! :) 

I wasn't terribly excited about going to the gym tonight. I really, really, really wanted to go for a run, but couldn't convince both kids that riding bikes while I ran was a great idea. I knew that I needed to sweat and breathe heavy for at least 30 minutes- enter family super circuit.

The kids helped me make up the stations based on "moves" they do in PE. Our stations were: hot step (stepping up and down on a stool), jacks and jills (jumping jacks), side to sides (ski moguls), pike-push up- pike (hindu pushups), up the mountain (mountain climbers), and (to make Bug happy) there was even a Kinect Fitness station. Thank you Mr. C for teaching my kids real exercises in PE and not just playing dodge ball all day! 

We made our signs. Sissy placed them all over the living room and dining room. I set my Gymboss for 90 seconds work and 30 seconds rest. For our warm-up I walked them to each station and we practiced our moves. Everyone picked a number to start at and we were off.

Bug started with ski mogules. I wish I had my camera on hand because those were SO cute. Sissy started with Kinect and I started with jumping jacks. Half way through the first exercise everyone was breathing heavy and having fun. The kids really stuck it out! We ended up doing the circuit 2 times for a total of 32 minutes (including warm-up, cool down, and mid circuit water break). Don't think that is was all smiles during our circuit. There were some tears (she's in my spot, he's not doing it right, how many more seconds?), but we got through it. 

Was it the best workout ever? No. Did I sweat? YES! Did I burn some calories? YES (293 to be exact...). Sometimes this fitness journey is more about being creative with how we fit in exercise and preparing ahead of time for healthy eating than it is about always being the best.


Saturday, October 20, 2012

If the dress fits

A good friend of mine is getting married soon and I get to be her maid matron head chick!!!! She was kind enough to invite her bridesmaids along to pick out the dress. She's cool like that. :)

Trying out clothing for anyone but my mom felt a little weird. She had several styles picked out and we all got to try on the dresses. Here's where all my "issues" come leaping back into the picture. The other ladies there were on the smaller side (in both width and height). It's not their fault. They don't starve themselves to look that way. I doubt that they spend more time than me working out. That's just their body type. My body type is not that way. I think that I could not eat from now until the wedding and still not be a size 2. It's not anyone's "fault". It's just the way I'm made. 

The dress that she picked out is beautiful. I am sure that we will all look stunning on her special day. Not that it really matters cause all eyes will be on her. Did I mention that the dress is short? I often receive compliments on my legs. Some would call them muscular. I call them thick. I am all legs in this dress.....thick, full legs. Feeling uncomfortable does not begin to describe how I felt trying on dresses today. I'm not the girl that gets short, cute, fitted dresses. I am the girl in the long, baggy dress in the back. 

Whenever I think that I am "over" my body image issues they come raging back with even more gusto than before. I long for the day when I can look in the mirror and no longer see the obese teenager that couldn't find a dress that would fit for the prom,  the bride that had to order her wedding dress online because none of the stores carried dresses in her size, or the pregnant mom who couldn't buy maternity clothes cause they were too small. 

The day wasn't a total loss. I, too fat for maternity clothes Kari, walked into a bridal store today, tried on, and bought a size 14 bridesmaid dress. 3 years ago I wouldn't have fit into their largest size (26 if you are wondering....). I am, and will probably always be, a work in progress when it comes to food and how I view my body. I'm getting excited to wear my dress....cute shoes....flat ironed hair...some pretty earrings....standing next to my friend of 20 plus years and watching her marry her Prince Charming. It will be fun and no one will care about my chunky legs. Time to focus on the things that really matter!


Friday, October 19, 2012

I shaved my legs today

Life is busy, busy. busy. I did accomplish one major goal- I shaved my legs. :)  EVERY SINGLE TIME I shave my legs I get a little bit giddy. Shaving your legs when you are obese is just plain hard. There are a lot of things that are hard when you are obese. Today I was reminded once again how far I've come.

My workout have been so-so lately. I did get up at 4:50 this AM to go to a Body Pump class at my soon to be former gym. Class was great. I knew it would be. It made me sad cause my new gym offers nothing like Body Pump. I kept reminding myself that I am able to push myself even harder than any Body Pump instructor could and that I can do it on my own time schedule (which does not include 5:30 workouts on a regular basis!).

I haven't posted in forever because there really hasn't been anything to report. Eating is starting to get really hard with the cooler temps and holiday treats that are already starting to surface.

Disney was AMAZING! I did all the things that I wanted to do and didn't know that I wanted to do. :) At Legoland there were some rides that had weight limits. I was well below any of the limits. THAT made me feel like a rock star. I leave you with a few pics...

Monday, October 1, 2012


A while ago (months maybe even), I banned my scale. When people would ask about my weight, I'd tell them that my pants still fit so it must be ok. Today my pants still fit, but they were very uncomfortable. I can't remember the last time my clothes didn't fit. I don't like this feeling. My skin pulls on my incisions and I have these occasional freak outs that I am stretching out all of the skin that was made darn near perfect through surgery and hard work!

I know EXACTLY what to do to get back to that comfortable place, but a very exciting vacation is standing in my way.....sort of.  On Wednesday we are leaving for Disneyland. None of us have ever gone and we are all excited beyond belief. While at Disney it would be very difficult to track my food and record my exercise. There are some things that I can do while we are gone to help stay on track. We will be getting plenty of exercise just walking around the different parks. On the days that we don't go to a park, my goal is to do some sort of activity (swimming in pool, visiting gym at condo, etc). We will eat most of our meals at the condo. I will stock our fridge with healthy options. I will keep a water bottle in my backpack no matter where we go.

I refuse to weigh in the next two days. Knowing how much I need to lose will not keep me motivated or make the weight melt off.

I am going to Disneyland. I will fit on the rides. I will be able to walk all day. I will fit on the plane seat without a seat belt extender. I will life-long memories with my kids.

When I get back, it is back to My Fitness Pal. For the next week it's about enjoying my amazing family and the body that I have worked so very hard to achieve.
I haven't "ruined" anything. I've gotten off track, but that's the best part- I can get right back on.

~ Kari

About Me

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On June 19, 2009 I started my weight loss journey. It has become quite the journey! As of today (2-1-11) I have lost 162 pounds and have gained a whole new life. This blog is a continuation of my journey. I hope to inspire and encourage others through my process.