The past few weeks have been difficult. They weren't difficult because of the food choices, the stress, or even the lack of motivation. They have been difficult because of how poorly I have felt about my own self worth.
I gave up.
I started calling myself fat.
It was easier to "accept" my ultimate fate of obesity than to dig deep and persevere through Christmas.
My workouts have been spot on, but we all know that you can't outrun a poor diet. (Diet= how I eat, not a pill or magic weight loss soup)
Here is my post Christmas announcement- My pity party has officially ended. If you already received your invitation, please disregard. I have dug myself into a pretty significant weight gain. The world hasn't ended. I am not the person that I was when I gained all that weight. I am not sentenced to the life I once knew. Food does not control me. Just because I have gained some weight does not mean that I have to continue to gain. It also does not mean that I can't lose the little (little in the grand scheme of things) that I've gained.
Did you notice my lack of numbers when talking about my weight. The scale could totally tell me how much I've gained, but I don't need that right now. It would not help me in any way to know that I've gained 20 (or 25 or 30....) pounds from my lowest weight.
I'm slowly learning that it's not as much about the number on the scale as it is about how I feel when I am in control and putting healthy foods in my body. I am convinced that much of my body image pity party was due to not feeling good because of how much crap I was eating.
I feel better when I eat better.
It's December 26th. I am going to fuel my body today with amazing foods. This isn't a resolution. It's not for a month. It's not a challenge on Facebook. This is my life.
I had a renewed energy when I woke up this morning. I got this. We got this!
How was your Christmas?
Friday, December 20, 2013
I will blog today.
I promised myself that I'd blog today.
I wish that I had an inspiring story to share. A source of motivation. A "WOW! Look at Kari go!" sort of moment.
Where do I start?
After my Bod Pod test results I was super motivated. I started recording again. I recorded, and recorded, and recorded. For 3 solid weeks I tracked like a beast. I had a small loss, a gain, and then I found myself three weeks into recording weighing the same as I did on day 1 of recording. Not going to lie- this made me mad.
A different time of the year probably would have resulted in me saying, "Sweet, I'm maintaining instead of gaining (which I have been doing consistently for like 9 months!)". It's not a different time of the year. It's Christmas. It's busy. There is food EVERYWHERE! Time is short and exercise opportunities are dwindling.
My current weight? I have no idea. I'm scared to look.
My fat pants almost don't fit.
Sometimes I cry. I fear that I will go back to being that size 32 girl who would eat a cheeseburger in her car before going in to the gym. The one that avoided life for fear that she wouldn't fit.
Vacation started today. Normally vacation is a fitness dream. My big job on vacation is to make amazing food and exercise. Christmas vacation doesn't work that way. Why can't it?
I know that I am more that what I weigh. My fear isn't of a number on a scale, but what that number indicates. Amazing can happen at any size. I'd prefer to be amazing below 200. :)
It's a little after 7 AM. Sissy is up and "starrrrrving". We are going to make some biscuits and enjoy some homemade jam a co-worker gave me for Christmas. Another cup of coffee. Then I'll go for a run. I'm thankful today for our treadmill since we actually got a bit of snow last night. Chiropractor (hurray) for me. Sneaking in some last minute shopping. Dentist for the kids. Frozen, the movie, for the family with some friends. Home for dinner. Popcorn at the movies seems to be my only barrier for healthy choices today. Maybe I'll bring some sugar snap peas and sneak a kernel or two of popcorn from the kids.....
I have the tools. I have the support. The choice is mine.
Monday, December 2, 2013
My kids were (and continue) to be a huge motivation to me when it comes to my own weight loss and healthy living. They come with me to the gym and on the way there we frequently talk about how mommy needs to exercise to be a better mommy and have a stronger heart. We are incredibly blessed to attend a gym with a play area where the kids can actually play and get in their own exercise. They ride bikes alongside me while I run in the summers. We are involved in sports pretty much year round. Fitness and healthy eating are priorities in our home. We've come further in the fitness arena and are still working on the healthy eating. We will get there! It's hard with kids. Well, it's hard for me with kids.
I'm sure many of you saw the blog this week about how to talk to your daughters about exercise. I've read it probably 10 times since last Friday.
Yesterday, Sissy and I were talking about my workout plan for the day. The weather has been nasty so I told her that I was going to run on the treadmill and watch a movie. She was instantly intrigued. My favorite thing about my treadmill is that it has built in speakers so I can plug in my iPod and watch TV while running. It makes treadmill running a little less boring.
We got home and she wanted to try walking on the treadmill while watching the cross over episode between Jessie and Austin&Ally. Apparently that episode was "epic". I set her up on the treadmill at 2 MPH. Showed her the emergency rope and the stop button and she was off. Sissy walked and rested and walked and rested for the entire episode (about 30 minutes).
She came in to the kitchen to report that she needed "more fuel" so that she could watch another episode and walk some more. Food is fuel. Food gives us the energy we need to move our bodies in ways we want. What type of food did she want? An orange! "Oranges give us good energy. Right Mom?". Right!
She wasn't walking to lose weight. She was walking because it was a "fun" way to watch her show. She was excited to see her distance increase. She set (and achieved!) a goal of 2 miles. May she always see exercise as fun!
How do you teach your kids that exercise and fitness can be fun?