Seeing Clearly

The battery light on my HR monitor watch had been on for a few months nearly a year. Earlier this week I was on a run and by the end of the run I couldn't even read the time. I decided that the "low battery" light really meant LOW battery. A quick trip to the jewelry store and I was back in business. 

Did you eat some candy for Easter?!?!? I know that I did. I overate an amazing ham and scalloped potato linner. I ate chocolate ALL DAY long. It was delish. I was stuffed. After cutting off food for 2 hours, I strapped on my shoes and went for my first post-new battery run. 

Clarity! I could see the numbers on my watch and they were bright. I had not realized how dim the light had become. It's like when you replace a light bulb in the living room. It seems so bright, but in reality it's just what it's suppose to be. 

Runs are perfect for thinking. There is a clarity that comes on a run that I don't experience during other forms of exercise. I was able to maintain my weight for a year without a ton of focus on my eating/recording before I started to gain weight. My light got dim and I didn't even notice. My focus was fading. I needed a new battery. 

In March I had committed to running at least a mile every day. In March I ran for 31 days and a total of 46 miles. It felt AMAZING to have a goal. A focus. Clarity. It felt good to set a goal and complete it. (I feel like I need to mention that I did a ton of other exercise.....not just running.)

Here's my April goal..... I want to eat 5 servings of fruits or veggies (at least 2 veggies) every single day in April. I started out great- 2 scrambled eggs, 1/2 ounce parmesan cheese, 2 cups raw spinach and a banana. 2 servings already done for the day!

What are your goals for April????  


~Kari

Overcoming

Lately this blog has not been a very happy place to be. You see, I'm not in a "happy" place when it comes to maintenance and life is hard around the homestead to boot. We are in a time of transition (No, nothing like divorce or pregnancy, but still a big transition.) I don't know what I weigh..... I suppose I should weigh myself tomorrow, but I do know that pants that fit last spring no longer fit. I'm still longing working to find that place of balance where food does not consume my every thought, but rather propels me towards my goals. A dear friend of mine (we lovingly call her "Kelly from the gym") posted this a few days ago on Facebook:

I've been pondering this quote for a few days..... I have accomplished a ton! Yes, I have a few pairs of pants that don't fit. Yes, I've gain 15 (please don't let it be 20) pounds, but that does not take away from the fact that 3.5 years ago I weight 356 pounds. The weight will come off. The pants will fit again. 

In March I have been doing the run every day for at least a mile. Today is March 26th and so far I have met my goal. 5 more miles to go! :) Last night for my run that kids and hubby rode their bikes for 2 miles while I ran along side, in front of, and behind them. It was awesome! 2 years ago you NEVER would have told me that I'd be running with my kids on bikes. 

I have an April goal.... I'm still processing it, but it will be something like consuming X servings of fruits and vegetables every single day. I know that my diet is lacking when it comes to fruits and veggies. 

What are your goals? 

~Kari

Just not enough

Haven't posted in a while over a month.... I have stopped my weight gain cycle, but can't seem to get back to the losing. 

I know, it's easy- eat less, move more. 

News flash- it's SO not easy. Please don't get discouraged when people say it's easy. For someone with an addiction to food, it is never easy. 

Here's my struggle- I didn't like who I had to become when I was in "losing" mode. I was often dizzy from not eating enough (1200 a day is NOT enough when you work out like I do), would pass on social invitations for fear of what food would be at the party, and weighed myself 3-4 times a day. I don't miss that person and I don't want to go back to that. 

I am bordering on being "obese" again. I don't want that. I want to be healthy. I'd like to get back down to the 192ish range again. I felt good there. My clothes fit. I REFUSE to buy larger clothes. 

Throw out the scale? Pshshshs. Not gonna happen. Throwing out the scale landed me at 356 pounds. Ok, maybe, just maybe it was the 3000+ calories a day with no exercise that got my there and not the fact that I didn't own a scale.....

Lately, my greatest struggle is with constantly comparing myself to those around me and even to what I was 9 months ago. I'm not fast enough, skinny enough, strong enough, pretty enough. Just not enough...

At Shred last night I had a moment....a glimpse of clarity... We were flipping tires (I LOVE flipping tires). Not a car tire, nope a big ole tractor size tire. I got to thinking, "How much does that thing weigh". I was told between 120-140 pounds. WHAT! I have lost 165 (errrr 140 right now) pounds. I carried a giant tractor tire around ALL DAY LONG! All day! Maybe, just maybe, my right now is good enough.

That feeling last for about, oh, 12 hours. I weighed in this morning. I recorded (eating around 1700 calories a day and burning 2600 calories for the week) and weight exactly the same as I did last week. Back to not being enough. 

~Kari

Glad nobody's asking

I was working on a post last week all about how glad I was that no one was asking me how I am doing on my weight loss/return to maintenance. Guess what? Yep, someone asked......

I'm so thankful that I have people in my life that are willing to ask those hard questions. My answer?

"Ugh, this is so dang hard. I hate how hard it is. Why are there people that don't have to work out or record and they can maintain a healthy weight."

Her response? "Yep, it sucks" :) I love my friends!

Over the past month I have bounced between.....

This is hard.

I got this.

Why can't I do this?

I am strong.

This CAN NOT be done forever.

Healthy feels so good.

Here's the problem with the bouncing.... It gets EXHAUSTING! Often the bouncing happens multiple times during the day. Losing weight was easy because I was in "project status". I was on a mission. Losing weight consumed EVERY single part of my day.  

Leading up to my 1/2 marathon I started to lose focus on the eating. It didn't seem to matter what I was eating. I could still maintain 192 pounds. DUH! I was burning massive amounts of calories. After the 1/2, I continued to eat the same way that I had eaten when I was training.  

(Yep, I know I've already written about this. Yep, I sound like a broken record. Feel free to ignore the rest of the post.)

There HAS TO be a middle ground. There HAS TO be this magical place where you can eat healthy, maintain weight, and not be on continual project status when it comes to leading a healthy lifestyle. 

I'm not there. I want to be there. I went back to recording on Friday. I just needed someone to ask. 

Who helps you stay accountable?

They Don't Remember

My kids don't remember their fat mommy. They don't remember the mommy that wouldn't go for bike rides because she was tired. Or the one that allowed them to eat fast food 3-4 nights a week. Not even the one that couldn't fit into the rides at the amusement park. 

A few things happened yesterday to help remind me of how very far I've come.....


On a bike ride...

Me: Why do you keep stopping at every block?
Sissy: I'm tired and need to rest.
Me: It's only a block. Let's try and do two blocks without stopping.
Sissy: It's easy for you. You ran a marathon. (It's was only a half....)
Me: Honey, I didn't start out running 1/2 marathons. I started out running a block and then two blocks.
Sissy: (obnoxious eye roll that I HATE) Fine. I'll go two blocks and then rest.


Well, she went 5 blocks and the rested. She was so proud of herself and so was I! We had a great talk about setting goals. She doesn't remember where I started! I'm just her mommy that runs marathons.


At the amusement park.....

Bug: Mommy go on this train with me. (Train= super small ride the parents can only go in one larger section, not meant for adults at all!)
Me: Mommy is too big. You go and I'll watch. 
Bug: BUT His mommy is going.
Me: Ok

I had taken Bug on that same ride 3 years ago. I didn't fit. The seat belt didn't fit. The ride attendant took pity on me and looked the other way. Bug was too young to know what was happening. Last night I fit. The seat belt fit. Was I too big for that ride? Yep! BUT "his mommy" was going and so was I. He doesn't remember where I started! I'm just his mommy that goes on any ride she wants. 


I've gained some weight and that has been hard. My kids don't remember where I started, but I think it's really good for me to remember. The worlds that are open to me know at 206 pounds (back on my way down to 193) are not the same worlds that I could access at 356 pounds. It's good for me to remember. It's good that they don't remember!

~Kari

Ahhhh vacation

You often hear people say that the best part of teaching is winter and summer vacation. I wouldn't say that those are the *only* great parts of teaching, but they are pretty stinking awesome! 12 days of no work makes for one happy Kari. My days have been filled with playing with the kids, digging out from under major clutter, spending days with friends and family, and, of course, working out. 

One of the BEST things about vacation, for me, is not having to worry about squeezing in my workouts. Often you hear saying like, "It's only 1/24th of your day" or "Everyone has 30 minutes to spare". Usually my workouts are 45 min to an hour, but that's not all. There is the 15 minutes to drive to the gym (30 minutes there and back), the shower that is required EVERY single day because EVERY single day I smell like a locker room (15 minutes), convincing the kids that it would be fun to go to the gym or watch a movie so that mommy can work out at home (15-30 minutes). This adds up! On normal work day my 45-60 minute workout takes between 2 and 3 hours. Then it's dinner, homework, baths, and bed. It's totally worth it, but working out does take up more of my evening or requires me to get up before the chickens to get it done before work. 

It's 11:30 AM and we are all still in our jammies. The kids have both build tents in their bedrooms. One is called Club Tent and the other is Club Super Tent. They have rules that include: no touching my toys, no rock music (this ones for Daddy), and you have to get a hand stamp to come back later. We all have hand stamps for both clubs. I've run two loads of dishes, have cleaned above the fridge (YUCK!), and am loading up stuff to take to Goodwill. It's been a productive morning and I didn't even need to get dressed. This afternoon we will run by Goodwill, the bike shop (I have these quick release brakes that we a breeze to release and now I can't get them reattached! GRRRRR) and then off to the gym for a lifting session. 

I love my job. I love helping kids. I love working with teachers. 
I love Christmas vacation. :)

~Kari

A quickie + home exercise option

Merry Christmas!!!! It's Christmas Eve (not techniclaly since eve implies evening, but you get my drift) and I'm getting ready to head to the gym. No, I'm not one of those crazy fitness fanatics that is totally addicted to exercise. I have learned over the past 3.5 years (!!!!) of weight loss/management that I am a better everything when I take 30-60 minutes to move my body in ways that are out of my "normal". The gym and kid area open at 8. I'll be the crazy lady at the door waiting for them to unlock the door. It's Monday. I lift on Monday's. :) 

It looks like I forgot to post my weigh in last Wednesday. 

Current weight: 206.1
Maintenance weight: 193

I'm getting back. I should be back into maintenance by Valentine's day. There will be no weigh in this week. Come on, give the girl some slack!

If you can't get to the gym today, but are looking for a great workout, I wanted to share with you Kelly's video. It's a great 30 minute HITT workout that you can do at home with 0 equipment. There are a few exercise that I might grab my dumbbells for the next go around, but I was able to burn quite a few calories just using my body weight. One of the things that I adore about Kelly is that she is super committed to seeing the people that take her class succeed. She made this video for us because the club will be closed tomorrow and we can't come for class. Watch out for those trench crawls. I have some pretty ugly rug burns on my arms this morning. If possible, find a smooth area to lay down your yoga mat for that part OR opt for the up/downs option that she gives. You'll do each exercise for 50 sec with a 10 sec rest. 

Let me know if you try it. I'd love to hear what you think! I did it yesterday while hubby, Sissy, and Bug were laying in MY bed cheering me on. :)

Love on your family. Have one dessert instead of two. Fill half of your plate with veggies. Make choices that will matter long after the smell of mashed potatoes has left the building. 

~Kari