Trying out clothing for anyone but my mom felt a little weird. She had several styles picked out and we all got to try on the dresses. Here's where all my "issues" come leaping back into the picture. The other ladies there were on the smaller side (in both width and height). It's not their fault. They don't starve themselves to look that way. I doubt that they spend more time than me working out. That's just their body type. My body type is not that way. I think that I could not eat from now until the wedding and still not be a size 2. It's not anyone's "fault". It's just the way I'm made.
The dress that she picked out is beautiful. I am sure that we will all look stunning on her special day. Not that it really matters cause all eyes will be on her. Did I mention that the dress is short? I often receive compliments on my legs. Some would call them muscular. I call them thick. I am all legs in this dress.....thick, full legs. Feeling uncomfortable does not begin to describe how I felt trying on dresses today. I'm not the girl that gets short, cute, fitted dresses. I am the girl in the long, baggy dress in the back.
Whenever I think that I am "over" my body image issues they come raging back with even more gusto than before. I long for the day when I can look in the mirror and no longer see the obese teenager that couldn't find a dress that would fit for the prom, the bride that had to order her wedding dress online because none of the stores carried dresses in her size, or the pregnant mom who couldn't buy maternity clothes cause they were too small.
The day wasn't a total loss. I, too fat for maternity clothes Kari, walked into a bridal store today, tried on, and bought a size 14 bridesmaid dress. 3 years ago I wouldn't have fit into their largest size (26 if you are wondering....). I am, and will probably always be, a work in progress when it comes to food and how I view my body. I'm getting excited to wear my dress....cute shoes....flat ironed hair...some pretty earrings....standing next to my friend of 20 plus years and watching her marry her Prince Charming. It will be fun and no one will care about my chunky legs. Time to focus on the things that really matter!