Sunday, July 26, 2015

A Simple Trade

How'd I gain back half of the weight that I lost?

Uhhhhh.... I ate too much.

Calories in. Calories out. It really is that simple.

 I was talking with a friend yesterday about losing weight. He was talking about the idea of giving up (whatever your favorite food is) forever. I explained that it wasn't about a giving up. It was about a trade.

Yep, a trade.

I don't mean a trade like diet coke for regular or thin crust for thick.

It's trading your priorities.

I have forgotten about the trade.

Long ago I traded grabbing a candy bar and cheeseburger before dinner for going down water slides. I traded venti white chocolate mochas for being able to ride bikes with my daughter. I traded a third slice of pizza for coaching my son's soccer team. Finally, I traded binging on chips before bed for being able to complete an Olympic Triathlon...multiple half marathons...and just getting out of bed on Saturday morning for a long run.

This doesn't mean I don't eat pizza (2 slices, not 4), drink coffee (skinny caramel latte), diet coke (hangs head in shame.....I had given it up for a long time) and chips that are portioned out in a serving size.

Thankfully, I have remembered the trade before I was back to the 356 pounds of 4 years ago.

What now?
Back to recording!
I feel like I have said that about 100 times in the past 6 months.

Completing my Olympic Tri and talking about priorities have reminded me why I record. I don't want to get back to 192 if the only way to get there is through drastic calorie cutting and excessive exercise. I am determined, this time around, to be balance and healthy. If that means that I only get to 250, so be it. I am convinced that my body will respond to healthy eating (1800-2200 calories) and moderate exercise.

Tomorrow, I will record again. I won't record every day. I can't. I can record most days. This is too important to give up or give away.


Saturday, July 25, 2015

Toughman Olympic Triathlon

It's two week past my last race and I am just now sitting down to share it with you. 

Why so long?

- I'm back in school to get my principal credentials and it is keep me very busy. My typically lazy days of summer have been filled with class 9 hours a week and a lot of reading/paper writing. I LOVE my course work, but it definitely has been an adjustment.
- Writing about a race always makes it seem so final. I didn't want this one to end. 
- There is a part of me that didn't want to share because there were moments on this course that I felt unworthy, too heavy, too slow to be even "racing". I've never been an "I need to win" type of athlete, but this race definitely pushed my limits. 
- I can't tell you about this race without talking about my weight gain. Ugh! Ok, I could. I'm in charge of what I share. :) I've gained weight. I've shared that already. This race would have been WAY easier if I was 100 pounds (heck, 50) lighter. 

Here's the GREAT news! I completed an Olympic Triathlon at 275ish pounds and that is freaking amazing. This race reminded me how incredibly strong I am. I can do anything! 

Ok, that's all out. Let me tell you about the race!

Rocked my swim! I rented a wetsuit and it was a perfect fit. This was an open water swim. I had given myself an hour to complete the .9 miles. I finished in 39 minutes. I was ecstatic. I came out of the water feeling strong. I even blew the husband a kiss. I've never felt great coming out of the water. My consistent swim training and Master's swim classes have really helped to strengthen my stroke.

Easy transition from swim to bike. I had an Uncrustable on the start of my bike. There was a half ironman going on at the same time as my race, so I was surrounded by some really fast bikes. I kept reminding myself that this was my race and that I had to just stay my course. At one point another cyclist told me that my turn around was right ahead. Jokes on her- that was the sprint turn around. I still had another 6 miles to go. The bike was solid and consistent. I took it 5 miles at a time. Everyone 5 miles, I'd adjust and hydrate. I finished my 25.34 miles in 2:10. I remember looking at my watch at 40 minutes and then again at 2 hours. Not sure what happened for that hour in the middle. Ha! Guess my body took over. I started to ache at some point and had to really tune in to my body, figure out what was hurting and make some adjustments. Never on the bike was I miserable! Getting of the bike was rough- my thighs were tight

Off the bike and on to the run. I was tired. Really tired. There was no way that I was going to let 6 miles stand between me and completing an Olympic triathlon. I told the husband that I may have to walk, but that I would finish. I started walking. More walking. I decided to just go one mile at a time. My walk is pretty quick. I was walking 14:30 miles for the first 2 miles. Miles 2-4 were on the beach. Those took longer, but I pressed on. I zoned out for miles 3-5. At one point a runner, that was doing the half, passed me. I told her that she was amazing. She told me that we were all amazing. That carried me the rest of the race. I turned a corner and saw the finish line. My watch told me that I still had a mile to go. I was elated. I asked another person if that was really the finish line. It was! I was elated. I ended up walking the entire run in 1:35; that's a 15:19 pace with 2 of those miles being on the beach. I'll take it! I chose not to run because I was worried that I just didn't have enough in me to finish if I put too much out early in the run. I did run across the finish line. 

Total time: 4:34:02
I finished an Olympic triathlon. 

It was not easy. 
I will totally do it again. 



Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Olympic Tri training

Last July I finished my third sprint triathalon and decided that I could do more. Sure, it took me 2 hours, but I had FUN. This is, after all, all about having fun. I emailed my coach and asked if I was crazy. He assured me that it would be a challenge, but doable. What I didn't know at that time was that I'd be heavier and deal with a significant ankle and now foot injury during training.

I'm 25 days out from my Olympic tri. I don't think I'm ready. I went out for my longest brick a week ago and had a sharp pain in my foot as soon as I started my run. To be honest, it hurt getting out of bed that morning, but I decided it was just tight and would loosen up on the run.

I've been training this week on a not-so-good but bearable foot. Massage on Saturday didn't help. I'm hoping that a chiroractor visit tomorrow will solve my problem.

At this point, I may be walking the "run", but I should be able to get it done. I don't want to walk the run.... My longest ride to date has been 18 miles. I've been doing 2000 meters with minimal rest. My "long" runs have been 5ish miles.

Race Distances:
Swim: .9 miles (1448 meters)
Bike: 25.34 miles
Run: 6.2 miles

To sum up:
I'm not ready.
My foot hurts.
I'm way over "race weight".
I'm doing this. :)

I'm going to make every effort over the next 25 days to prepare physically and emotionally for this undertaking.


Monday, June 15, 2015

Not "too big"

Hmmmm.... Where to start?

I haven't blogged in nearly 3 months.

You know what they say- It's never good when a blogger goes silent.

The thing is, it has been good. It's been SO most areas.

- Still working out. Training for an Olympic Tri- more on that very soon.
- Started a new job in August. Loving it!
- Applied for "stupid principal school" (kids aren't excited about it and deemed it "stupid principal school"), was accepted, and start classes this week. I can't wait! It's what I have been called to do.
- Have made some new friends at work that bring me such great joy!

My eating has sucked! Actually, it started to move to the back burner a few years ago. This year I put it in the freezer. Right next to the double chocolate chip ice cream.

The truth is that since my first half marathon (June 2012), I have slowly gained weight. I don't know what I weigh today. It doesn't matter. It never was about the number on the scale. It was about having control over my food instead of allowing my food to control me.

I've learned that. Now.

I'm doing things with my body at my current weight that I never would have done at this weight years ago. I used to limit my activities because I was "too big". I've learned, through my weight gain, that I'm not too big. Did you hear that? You're not too big. It's harder when you are bigger, but you are not too big.

Starting on Thursday (on vacation right now and REFUSE to stress out about this), I am going to start recording again. I'm not recording to lose weight, but rather to regain control. I will lose weight. It's natural. I'm going to set my range high for me to give me the space I need to get back in to the flow of recording with the stress of being hungry. Also, I have this Olympic Tri in less than a month. Now is not the time to create a calorie deficit. I need all of the GOOD fuel possible.

More on tri training this week!

Time to get in a run on the beach before the day gets going.

How are you????


Monday, March 23, 2015

Not Fat

Getting ready for bed tonight and Sissy announced that she was fat.

That's why she "runs slow". She's "fat".


I'm not blind. She's heavy.
She will probably always struggle with her weight.
She is tall and broad like her mom.

She's 9. You can't be 9 and "fat".

I was once 9.
I put myself on a secret diet with a neighbor girl because we were both "fat".


Then she told me that I used to be fat.
(She's convinced every picture of me at my heaviest is when I was pregnant.)
Bug interjects, "Now you are skinny mommy".
I told him I'd rather be called healthy or strong.
He picked skinny.
Sissy adds, "That's why your run fast, because you aren't fat anymore".
I don't run fast. I run. Not fast.

She is not fat.
She's 9.

It's already started for her.
The insecurity, the comparing, the doubts, the feeling on inadequacy.

Baby girl, you are not fat. You are hard working, dedicated, kind, generous, helpful, compassionate, and funny.

 Raising healthy children was one of my number one motivations for losing my weight initially. I wanted them to see what healthy looked like. They see it.
She sees it and feels like, AT 9, that she can't achieve it.

My heart aches for her tonight.
She's 9 and is convinced that she has lost her battle with weight and fitness.

I'll continue to talk about ways that we can care for our bodies. My prayer, for her, is that it won't taker her until she is 34 to realize that she can be so.much.more than fat.



Sunday, March 22, 2015

Back at it!

Last Sunday I started recording. Again. I recorded 4/7 days this week. I lost 2.2 pounds. I'll take it.

(Excuse the lists... I wanted to post today and a list was all I had in me.)

Other changes I made this week:
- I started packing snacks again for work. Snacks include: pre-portioned bags of nuts, cliff bars, fruit, and boiled eggs.
- I planned out lunches that would be filling 3/5 days this week. Still working on figuring out the lunch battle.
- I passed on a bagel and chose a fruit cup for my Sunday afternoon coffee date. The fruit tasted amazing. 
- I cut up and planned out 5 days worth of veggies to take to work during the week. This is my favorite renewed habit. I even get to share veggies with co-workers. It makes me feel so good to be fueling their bodies in healthy ways. 
- We had spinach smoothies for breakfast twice this week. LOVE when my kids drink spinach for breakfast. It makes me feel like super Mom. 
- Pulled up at the grocery store, tired, told Facebook that I wasn't going to buy a candy bar. Guess what?! I didn't buy one. I so appreciate my FB friends that like silly posts like that. 

Anklegate update: Definitely on the mend. I had decent workouts this week. No pain. On Saturday, I ran with a friend who was SUPER fast (ok, fast in our world) and I had some great times. There is still some tenderness in the joint, but super minimal. I continue to wear my brace when I run and ice it at night when needed. I have a half marathon scheduled on May 3rd... Not sure how that is going to turn out. 

New week. New goals. Going to focus on water intake this week. Water bottle is already packed in the work bag. 


Sunday, March 15, 2015

Last Sad Post

Nope, not my last post. Just my last sad one.... at least for a while.



I have to stop not caring.

So, here are my new committments:
- I am going back to recording. Today. Right now. This very moment.
- I will cut myself slack when I can't record exactly.
- I will weigh-in on Fridays and track that on my blog.

My success story is still happening.


Sunday, February 22, 2015

Food Fits

Big changes are in my near future when it comes to professional stuff. :) Big changes mean having to dress, at times, a little more professional. Truth be told, I do feel amazing when I dress all grown-up like. I hate to even admit that because it taps in to this part of me that is so very uncomfortable with being "pretty" or "looking good". I feel UNCOMFORTABLE with compliments that have anything to do with my appearance. That's for another day...

I went shopping tonight. 
For dress pants.
Shopping for pants sucks! Shopping for fitted "fancy" pants really sucks.
No big shock. I didn't find anything that fit. 

I texted the husband: "Nothing fits. Going to Costco. Food fits".
He wrote back: "Buy some bread".

SHEESH! Such a guy response.

Here's the thing.... I could have gone upstairs to the "plus" section. I could have found a pair of pants to wear. I could have, but I didn't. From about the age of 13 forward I was destined to shop either upstairs or downstairs (depending on the store), but never could I shop on the main floor with the regular girls. When I went shopping with friends I had to just "browse" because I knew nothing in their section would ever fit me.

At some point in this weight loss adventure I started being able to shop on the main floor. I'm not going upstairs. I can't. 

I left the mall in a state of panic.

Candy at Costco. That was what I needed.

Pulled out of the mall and started to turn in to Wendy's to get a Frosty. Except I didn't. I may have uttered some inappropriate language about how this stuff needed to end and how eating a frosty was really dumb

I got in the right lane and drove to Costco.

Pulling in to Costco I knew what I needed to do. I needed food for the week. Real food. Food that I would buy, take home, and prep. Food that would fill me up and be quick to prepare and eat. 

I started shopping (yes, I remembered the bread). I got spinach, sugar snap peas, strawberries, trail mix, grapes, baby carrots, cucumbers, chicken breast, chicken strips, chicken in a can (hmmm...that's a lot of chicken), tomatoes, frozen berries, cliff bars, and some smoked salmon.

I came home...

I portioned out veggies for the next 3 days

I boiled eggs

I measured trail mix

Here's the honest truth- I have been eating CRAP and lots of it. I've been not eating enough and then overeating at night. I can't remember the last time I drank enough water. I'm pushing my body physically through exercise and then rewarding it with unhealthy food.

This can't continue.
I can't shop upstairs.

“There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work 
and learning from failure.” Colin Powell

I know what to do. 
Now to do it....


Monday, February 16, 2015

Too Hard

Came home from my run today... 


This is too damn hard. 


Eating "right". Correct portion sizes. Measuring. Having to always think about my food. Not eating my emotions. Planning for success. Drinking water. Eating until I'm full. 

Too hard. 

I tried to look back today and see when I started gaining weight. It was after my first half marathon. That was nearly 2 years ago. For 2 years I have been trying to recover.

I'm tired of being on a recovery mission.

(Full disclosure- I ate a bag of potato chips while writing this!)

You know what else is hard? Trying to maintain my level of fitness in my ever expanding body. It's bad. It's really bad. And YET, it's not so bad that I'm stopping myself. 

Nothing fits. Even my sweats. 

I read old posts. I miss that girl. I miss the one that was so excited about a smaller size or finding a new vegetable to try at the store. 

I've failed. Completely. It sucks.

I hate how I feel. 

I hate how I look in the mirror. 

I hate that my super cute short skirt doesn't fit and it's almost short skirt season.

I'm tired. 

I need to either quit, resign to my fate of always ultimately being the "big girl" or get a serious recharge to get out of this slump.


Saturday, January 3, 2015


I'm really good at doing, going, moving, pushing, pursuing, and fixing.

I rock a really long "to-do" list.

I am relentless when I set my mind to something. 

I do "busy" really, really, really well.

I'm a problem solver, goal oriented, task master type of girl.

I don't share this to boast, 
but rather to give some background on why rest is so hard for me.  

I don't do rest.

My coach schedules an extra rest day and I email him to ask if it's a mistake. (True story!)
I plan what work project I will take home to work for Sunday afternoons becuase I know that I'll have free time.
I eat lunch at my computer not because I have to but because it allows me to multitask. 

Two weeks ago the unbelievable happened. Winter vacation started (with really specific direction from my boss to not work over vacation) and my coach gave me a modified schedule that included light workouts and a 5 day (!!!!) rest period. WHATTTTTTT?!?!?!? 

I don't do rest. 

I did what any non-rester would do- I sent work emails (NO ONE replied!!!) and I asked my coach if I could take classes at the gym (He said NO). UGH!!!!

I fought the "rest period" for about a week. Then I caved..... sort of. 

I started cleaning and purging my house. It felt great. I started concentrating on my nutrition again. The extra time was so nice to have. I played games (like actual games that didn't require a computer screen) with my kids. I had coffee and lunch dates with friends.

I was busy, but rested. I feel amazing. 

I need to rest more. I'm not really sure how to do that once work starts up again. I need to set work limits. I stink at that. 

What about you? How do you set limits with work or working out? How do you find balance in such an unbalanced world?


About Me

My photo
On June 19, 2009 I started my weight loss journey. It has become quite the journey! As of today (2-1-11) I have lost 162 pounds and have gained a whole new life. This blog is a continuation of my journey. I hope to inspire and encourage others through my process.