Tuesday, March 26, 2013


Lately this blog has not been a very happy place to be. You see, I'm not in a "happy" place when it comes to maintenance and life is hard around the homestead to boot. We are in a time of transition (No, nothing like divorce or pregnancy, but still a big transition.) I don't know what I weigh..... I suppose I should weigh myself tomorrow, but I do know that pants that fit last spring no longer fit. I'm still longing working to find that place of balance where food does not consume my every thought, but rather propels me towards my goals. A dear friend of mine (we lovingly call her "Kelly from the gym") posted this a few days ago on Facebook:

I've been pondering this quote for a few days..... I have accomplished a ton! Yes, I have a few pairs of pants that don't fit. Yes, I've gain 15 (please don't let it be 20) pounds, but that does not take away from the fact that 3.5 years ago I weight 356 pounds. The weight will come off. The pants will fit again. 

In March I have been doing the run every day for at least a mile. Today is March 26th and so far I have met my goal. 5 more miles to go! :) Last night for my run that kids and hubby rode their bikes for 2 miles while I ran along side, in front of, and behind them. It was awesome! 2 years ago you NEVER would have told me that I'd be running with my kids on bikes. 

I have an April goal.... I'm still processing it, but it will be something like consuming X servings of fruits and vegetables every single day. I know that my diet is lacking when it comes to fruits and veggies. 

What are your goals? 


Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Just not enough

Haven't posted in a while over a month.... I have stopped my weight gain cycle, but can't seem to get back to the losing. 

I know, it's easy- eat less, move more. 

News flash- it's SO not easy. Please don't get discouraged when people say it's easy. For someone with an addiction to food, it is never easy. 

Here's my struggle- I didn't like who I had to become when I was in "losing" mode. I was often dizzy from not eating enough (1200 a day is NOT enough when you work out like I do), would pass on social invitations for fear of what food would be at the party, and weighed myself 3-4 times a day. I don't miss that person and I don't want to go back to that. 

I am bordering on being "obese" again. I don't want that. I want to be healthy. I'd like to get back down to the 192ish range again. I felt good there. My clothes fit. I REFUSE to buy larger clothes. 

Throw out the scale? Pshshshs. Not gonna happen. Throwing out the scale landed me at 356 pounds. Ok, maybe, just maybe it was the 3000+ calories a day with no exercise that got my there and not the fact that I didn't own a scale.....

Lately, my greatest struggle is with constantly comparing myself to those around me and even to what I was 9 months ago. I'm not fast enough, skinny enough, strong enough, pretty enough. Just not enough...

At Shred last night I had a moment....a glimpse of clarity... We were flipping tires (I LOVE flipping tires). Not a car tire, nope a big ole tractor size tire. I got to thinking, "How much does that thing weigh". I was told between 120-140 pounds. WHAT! I have lost 165 (errrr 140 right now) pounds. I carried a giant tractor tire around ALL DAY LONG! All day! Maybe, just maybe, my right now is good enough.

That feeling last for about, oh, 12 hours. I weighed in this morning. I recorded (eating around 1700 calories a day and burning 2600 calories for the week) and weight exactly the same as I did last week. Back to not being enough. 


About Me

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On June 19, 2009 I started my weight loss journey. It has become quite the journey! As of today (2-1-11) I have lost 162 pounds and have gained a whole new life. This blog is a continuation of my journey. I hope to inspire and encourage others through my process.