This year I won't....

Eat my emotions~ Today I was super excited to get a facial and a pedicure. I had the wrong appointment time and they couldn't fit me in when I showed up. I drove home super sad and with each fast food restaurant I passed I had to repeat "I will NOT eat my emotions". This year I will work hard to recognize and address my emotions rather than stuff them further inside with food.


Lose site of my goals~ I am so close to being at a healthy BMI! 23 pounds seems so daunting, but I know that it is totally doable. I've changed my SparkPeople goal to shoot for one pound a week weight loss instead of two. Yesterday it was really hard for me to eat in my new higher calorie range. I considered changing my goal back to 2 lbs a week since that is where I am comfortable, but instead I decided to view this 1 lb a week as a great transition into maintenance mode.

Expect more from myself than my own personal best~ This one is tough for me! I watch people at the gym and am in continual awe of what they are capable of. I watch people run on the road and think, "Oh, if only I could run like that". I've learned through this journey that everyone (well, almost everyone!) has something about themselves that they aren't happy about- big thighs, freckles, etc. I have come so far and need to spend my time focusing on how much I have grown as an athlete instead of focusing on what others are doing.

There it is- my New Year Resolutions! Last year I didn't do resolutions, but looking back now I can say that in 2010 I will (and did!!!):

- Run my first 5K
- Lose 109 pounds
- Increase my exercise from 3 to 6 days a week
- Drink at least 64 oz a water a day
- Make great new friends that have similar healthy living goals
- Go from a size 24 to a size 14
- Make my first blog post

Here's to another year of healthy living and watching my body change in new and amazing ways!!!!



Annual Check-up without the Parade

For weeks I've been looking forward to my annual check-up for the sheer reason that I wanted my doctor to ohhh and ahhh over my weight loss. My goal was to be under 200 for my check-up and am a bit bummed to report that I was at 201.6. BUT that was wearing a pair of jeans (size 14 BTW!!!) and I had just had a 16 oz latte before hand. I thought about stripping and demanding a re-weigh, but decided to just be ok with 201 and move forward. :)

Back to my pre-check-up excitement...Most people dread going to the doctor because they don't want to be lectured about those 10 pounds they found over the past year. I really expected my doctor to be happy with my weight loss, but actually ended up leaving feel disappointed by her lack of joy.  Here's the thing- last year my physical was on 12/10/09 and I weighed 310.6 (down 46 pounds from where I started) and today I weighed 201. That is 109 pounds in a year for those of you that are keeping track. Apparently my doctor is keeping track because no less than 10 times did she say, "100 pounds in a lot to lose in a year....". Hold the phone!!!! She told me what I started losing weight to lose 1 to 2 pounds a week and that is 1-2 pounds a week. I pointed that out and she said (again!), "100 pounds is a lot to lose in a year...". Can you sense my frustration?!?!

I did what I was told to do and there was no congratulation banner in the waiting room, no parade around the nurses station, no announcement over the intercom that I was patient of the year; just a near lecture on how I've lost a lot of weight quickly.  She was happy with my progress, but had concerns- How much more did I intend to lose? How much am I exercising? How many calories am I eating every day? Am I taking a multivitamin because "your body can't be getting all of the nutrients it needs on that few calories"? 

In case you were also wondering....

* I intend to lose another 23 pounds. That will put me at the top of my healthy weight range. Since I am exercising 5-6 days a week I am comfortable being at the weight. I do plan to slow down my weight loss and aim for one pound a week instead of two on Spark People.
* I am exercising 6 days a week and burning approximately 3400 calories a week based on my heart rate monitor.
* Not sure about the vitamins, but I do know that I eat a healthy amount of food and work hard to have fruits and vegetables with every meal. I'll start taking a multivitamin tonight. :)

Hubby just wants to know, "Are you healthy?" The answer to that is YES! I weigh less than I did in middle school, my heart rate was at a fabulous 64 beats per minute, my blood pressure was awesome and I feel fantastic. I'll keep waiting patiently for my parade.......

The New Normal

Tempting food causes me stress! A few days ago someone told me to "trust yourself" when it came to the food choices I was making. That statement has resonated with me over the past few days.

* I am afraid that if I eat one cookie that I'll eat the whole plate. My little voice chimed in, "Kari, you have the ability to choose how many cookies you eat. Trust yourself to stop when you should."
* I didn't want to throw out the extra piece of pie. "Kari, it's OK if there is no more pie- you can always get more. Trust yourself to be OK with getting rid of the leftovers".
* How many calories are in this stuffing?! "Kari, enjoy the stuffing. Tomorrow is a new day. Trust yourself to fit in an extra workout this week to balance out the yummy Christmas treats."

I was talking with my mom (while eating a piece of fudge) and mentioned that tomorrow morning I'd be hitting the gym and looking forward to eating light. Here's the best part- my new normal is that I make healthy choices (ALMOST all of the time) and that I exercise on a daily basis. I wasn't planning to exercise today and snuck in a run before heading to my mom's for Christmas dinner. I couldn't stand it and had to get out in the fresh air.

Tomorrow the cookies will be gone, Santa won't be back until next Christmas, and I will continue my healthy lifestyle~ exercise, tracking my food, and drinking my water. THAT is the new normal!

Merry Christmas to all and

to all a healthy New Year!!!!

I'm starting to see it!

This post was originally going to be called "ONEderland!!!!", but over the past few days something amazing has started to happen- I am actually starting to see my weight loss! People often tell me how different I look and up until now I haven't been able to see a difference. A few nights ago I was sending out Christmas pictures and thought, "Holy cow! I've really lost a lot of weight". 157 pounds later and I finally feel like my body is starting to change. This week I saw my weight loss in several ways:

- I can now fit into chairs with ease and no longer worry about not fitting.

- I am no longer the largest person at the gym. Actually, I'm not even close.

- My appetite has changed- it takes a lot less food to fill me up. My job has become listening to my body and giving it the fuel it needs.

I've set several goals throughout my weight loss journey: under 300, lose 100 pounds (256) no longer obese (208), and my most recent goal, under 200. I blogged a fewweeks ago about why I wanted to be under 200 pounds. This week I arrived at 198.4. Woo hoo!!! For some reason 198 seems SO much less than 200. :) I still have 20 pounds to go to be at the top of my healthy weight according to the BMI chart, but right now am super happy with my progress. I plan to check in with my doctor next week to see if she has a recommendation for a good goal weight for me. It scares me a little bit to be so close to my "healthy" weight. I've been on project weight loss for so long (18 months) that I am unsure about how to live not in project status. Maybe I will always be on project status- just with different goals?!?!

It doesn't count if you don't record it....

As most of you know I have been using Spark People to record my food and exercise on a daily basis. On special occasions (birthdays, dinners out, etc) I don't record - mostly because I can't. People find it strange when you arrive at their house with a food scale and want to know exactly which ingredients they put in the green bean casserole. :) 

I was talking with hubby today about whether or not I should record since his family were coming over for dinner tonight. We were cooking so I had complete control over the portions and ingredients. He pointed out that I should record so that I could "gorge" myself. He was being silly, but his comment got me thinking....

My success in losing weight has come from two things - limiting my caloric consumption to what my body needs and sweating like a pig at the gym nearly every day. Spark People is the tool (and an AMAZING tool - don't get my wrong) that I use to record what I eat, but really the success has been in the food choices that I have chosen to make. I've always thought that my success was because I am using Spark People, but realized today that the success comes in the choice - not in the recording.

Now about dinner - I did record and based on what I recorded did stay in my calorie range for the day. I struggled more today with what I didn't record. Every time I walked by the table I was grabbing a Triscuit, some hummus, or a piece of cheese. I intentionally didn't put out candies and dips, but still was grazing until dinner. We also didn't have dessert and everyone survived! I need to figure out a way to keep away from the appetizers this week. I know that every house we visit will have out some sort of yummy to snack on while we wait. Does anyone have any not-grazing strategies? I'd love to hear them!

Those darn two pounds

In the diet world there is this mystical land called "Onederland". You reach "Onederland" when your weight is in the 100's.  I've been hovering around "Onederland" for the past month. For the past two weeks I have been within two pounds. I've written before about my frustration when the scale doesn't move. I know that weight is a fluid number, but I REALLY want to visit "Onederland"- even if it's just for a day. It's like when everyone is talking about this great new movie coming out. You weren't really interested in the show, but as it gets closer to opening night the more you want to see the movie. I never thought that I would ever be this close to below 200 pounds and therefor I never focused on that number. Here I am- 2 pounds away and now I really want to be there.

I went to an awesome class tonight at the gym (my instructor is AMAZING!!!) and started to ponder these two pounds. It was a lot easier to lose weight when I still had 179 pounds to lose to get to a healthy weight. Duh! Of course it's going to be easier to lose 2 pounds when you have so much to lose.  Here's my math:
-179 pounds to lose (when I started)- when I lose 2 pounds that is less than 1% of my total goal
-25 pounds to lose (as of tonight)- when I lose 2 pounds that is 8% of my total goal

When I was pregnant with my daughter I had a week in the last trimester when I gained 4 pounds (!!!!) in a week. I called my dad and had a mini break down because I had gained so much weight that week. He pointed out that he could "crap 4 pounds" in a day. :) I love my dad! The next week my doctor was "concerned" because I hadn't gained any weight that week- until I reminded her of the four pounds from the week before.

Hubby also pointed out that in the last 16 months I have "gained" two pounds and have lost 154 pounds. Not too shabby at all. I'll get to "Onederland" and I'll get to my healthy weight goal of 177 pounds. I find that I am burning few calories during my cardio sessions as I continue to lose weight and build strength. Over Christmas vacation I am going to work on developing a plan that includes strength training. My next post will, hopefully, come when I have entered "Onederland".

Gym Ramblings

With the cooler temps and rain (I am in Washington State after all!) I have moved most of my workouts to the gym. It can get really boring on the treadmill, but there is also people watching to keep me entertained. Earlier this week I was running in the second row of treadmills and became intently focused on this lady that was walking (very slowly!) in front of me. She was a large lady. Probably even larger than I was in my heavier days, but there she was walking on the treadmill. I was bursting with pride for her and didn't even know her name. I spent the next 20 minutes of my run watching her step by step finish her exercise.

The whole time I was running I considered going up to her and telling her how proud I was of her. See, I know how hard it is to go to the gym when you know that you will be the biggest person there. I know how you talk yourself out of going a hundred times before you even enter the building. How you consider sitting in the steam room to "clear out your pours" instead of getting your bootie on the treadmill, bike, or elliptical. I thought about her legs and how they probably chafe from the skin rubbing together. Please don't think that I am judging this woman. I WAS this woman. I know her pain. I know the embarrassment when the machine stops working because you are too heavy. I know how hard she has to fight to stay on that machine. I know what it's like to spend your whole workout comparing yourself to the faster, fitter, younger athletes around you. I never did go up to her for fear that she would be offended by my encouragement, but I was silently cheering for her until she finished. I smiled at her as she was leaving. I hope to see her again and maybe strike up a conversation.

Today I was back at the gym for my Sunday run and ran into one of the instructors as I was taking my son to the daycare area. I smiled and said hi. She then told me that her Survivor class would be starting in a few minutes and that I was welcome to join them. Here is the description for her class: "If fancy choreography isn't your thing but you want to burn calories and tone up at the same time, this class has your name written all over it. Easy-to-follow interval training segments are combined with muscle-specific sculpting exercises for a workout that really works." Sound harmless~ right? I decided to give the class a try. Harmless, no...a great calories burning workout- yes!!!! She had a big circle set-up with different exercises at each bench. We'd do one exercise for a minute and then rotate around the circle. It was tough and I am going to be sore tomorrow, but I LOVED every minute of the sweat and labored breathing. :)

I am a new person. I am a healthy person. I use to avoid the trainers eyes because I didn't want them to tell me I was doing something wrong or comment on how far I had to go in my journey to becoming healthy. Today was a success! I tried a new class, had an awesome workout without the fear of being judged or failing, and met me cardio goal for the day. Woot! Woot!