Monday, May 26, 2014

The photo I use to dread

What were you doing 5 years ago?

5 years ago this weekend we were hosting a Memorial Day picnic/work party. 

Our neighbors had one of those gigantic wooden climbing toys complete with swings, slide, monkey bars, and even a steering wheel. 

They told us that if we could move it that we could have it for free.

We conned bribed invited some friends over to help and offered free food as an incentive. Many couples came. The men worked. The kids (really babies at the time) played. The wives chatted, watched the kids, and cooked.

It was a great day!

That was also the day that one of our "friends" told the kids that the "music truck" did not only play music, but also sold ice cream. Grrr! Imagine Sissy's surprise. She was positive all that truck did was play music. After the "friend" bought all the kids ice cream out of the magical truck, there was no turning back. 

Yep. that's me. 
This picture was taken about a month before I started losing weight. 

Every once in a while that picture will pop up on an old thread or someone will ask if it's me when looking through old pictures. 

I hate that picture.

Correction- I hated that picture.

I was so heavy. So unhealthy.

Instead of seeing the memories of good times with old friends, all I saw was my weight.

That was a fun day! Seeing that picture yesterday reminded me of good times.

Was I unhealthy? YES!
Does that negate the fun? NO!

Photos have an incredible ability to stir up emotions. I'm so glad I was able to stir up the emotion that was really behind this memory instead of focusing on my weight. 

What about you? Do you display old photos or tuck them away?


Saturday, May 24, 2014


I choose to regroup.

I'm on the third day of regrouping and I have to admit it feels like I've come home.

Planning meals.
Measuring portions.
Savoring every bite.

I'm where I am suppose to be. Thankfully I've never let go of the exercise piece, so I'm not starting over at ground zero.

For two days I have resisted mindless snacking, recorded everything, avoided chips and salsa at work, planned out my meals, and overall felt full but never stuffed. We even ordered pizza last night- I had two slices of medium pizza and an amazing salad that came from our garden. 

Today I plan on reintroducing water into my plan. It will help that I have a trail run this morning to jump start my day.

Let's do this!


Thursday, May 22, 2014

Retreat or Regroup

Our old scale died.
We bought a new scale.
I hadn't weighed myself for 6+ weeks.
I weighed myself.
Our new scale doesn't say nice things to me.

When I first started gaining I'd hear things like:

"It's only 5 pounds. Weight fluctuates."
"It's muscle"
"You are retaining fluid"
"You need to do more cardio"

The list of excuses or rationalizations goes on and on.

My fear came true. 5 pound gain turned in to a 15 pound gain that turned in to a 20 pound gain and now a 40 pound gain.

Typing that out loud makes me a little sick.

40 pounds.

A 40 pound gain does not make me any less awesome or inspiring. It makes me normal. 

Most people regain.

I always said that I wouldn't be THAT girl. The girl that loses 156 pounds and then gains it all back. 

I can't be THAT girl.

Here I sit. 

How does this happen?

I ate more food than my body needs. 

Nothing more. I just ate too much of food that had little to no nutritional value. 

Ready for some good news????

I stepped on that scale. Saw the number (232.6 in case you are DYING to know). Stepped off the scale and opened up My Fitness Pal app to record my breakfast. Then I went for a run. 

I didn't cry, crawl in to bed, and give up.

I knew in that very moment that I had a choice. I was in control. I could retreat or regroup. I choose to regroup. I know what works. I've experienced success. I will do it again. 

There are some aspects of weight loss that I will do way differently this time, but that's for another post.

My support systems are amazing.
I've got this! 
I'm a woman on a mission.

(Preview- this time around I am way more interested in HOW food fuels me and the emotional side of overeating instead of just counting calories. More to come....)

Have you ever regained a significant amount of weight? How did you get back into the weight loss mode?


Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Ride Our Bikes Around the Hall

Do you want to building a snowman or maybe ride our bikes around the hall???

Love me some Do You Want to Build a Snowman from Frozen.

Big bike things are happening around here. 

I had a bike rack that I bought a few years ago and have hated pretty much since the first day we bought it. It was one of those kind that you but on the back door of your vehicle. I never could get the straps on correctly and putting bikes on were a pain in the butt. It said it held 3 bikes. It lied. 

Hurray for a new trailer hitch and bike rack. 

I even assembled the rack myself. I was quite proud. 
Hubby and Sissy were the parts people, but I did the manual labor. I even crawled under the car to attach the rack to the hitch. Have you been under your car? It's super dirty under there. 

We loaded up ALL 4 bikes and headed off on a biking trail adventure.

Sissy cheered.

Bug cried. (He wanted to stay home and watch Minecraft videos...)

Hubby sighed. 

Once we were at the trail the kids were ecstatic. 
The Husband even reported it wasn't "THAT bad". 

A few bike adjustments and we were off! Bug still needs someone right next to him saying "pedal, pedal, pedal" over and over and over again. 
Sissy took off! This was the view from behind the whole trail. 

I'm so thankful for my new body. There is no way I ever would have suggested a family bike ride at 356 pounds. I love that I get to share with my kids a love of the outdoors and seeing what our bodies can do.

How do you stay fit with your family?


Sunday, May 18, 2014

Skin Removal Surgery- 3 years later

Have you heard about Brooke? My guess is that you have. Here's the basics-
- Brooke has lost 170 pounds. 
- She submitted a fantastic picture to Shape where you can see her excess skin.
- Shape asked for a different picture.
- She, in an amazing act of bravery, declined. 

While all of this was happening, I was getting daily updates with my Timehop app that reminded me that I was approaching the 3 year anniversary of my skin removal surgery

Brooke chose to not have surgery. That was a the right decision for her. For me, having surgery was the correct decision. 

I've been rereading my posts from days after the surgery. Those were some tough days for sure. 

It's 3 years later. The skin has all healed. There is still a scar on both of my arms. 

Every spring I have this conversation:

Student (adults know not to ask...): What's the line on your arm?
Me: I had a grown-up problem and had to have surgery.
Student: Does it hurt?
Me: Nope
Student: Can I touch it?
Me (totally dependent on my mood): Sure OR Nope, it feels just like your skin

If it's an adult that is brave enough to ask I like to mess with them and say "Oh, I had brachioplasty". Usually they just look at my confused. :) Then I go on and tell my story. 

For older students I tell them about how a balloon never goes back to it's original shape. It's the same way with skin. If you stretch your skin so far out that eventually it will stay that size, even if the fat goes away. 

Is the scar worth it? 

Yes! For me it is worth it. 

I also have a small, pencil size scar that goes from hip to hip around my stomach. That one is really a non issue since hubby is the only one that sees that scar and he doesn't care. The only issue that I have with my tummy tuck is that the weight that I have regained has all gone right to my stomach. It makes me mad that I stretched out that skin that was so neatly tucked. When I was gaining I could literally feel the skin stretching. :( 

On the web there is an uprising of amazing ladies stepping forward to share their post-amazing-weight-loss excess skin pictures. Those ladies inspire me to love my body even more. Having my skin removed had nothing to do with being skinnier or being "bikini ready". For me it was about how I fit in clothing and the pain that I felt when things were jiggling all around when trying to exercise.

There have been times over the past few weeks that I have actually felt guilty for having had skin removal surgery. I feel out of the cool kids club because I don't have excess skin to show.  Crazy, I know! 

Our bodies are amazing in so many ways. The choice that I make for my body will not be the same that you make for yours and that's ok. 


Monday, May 12, 2014

My HARD is not your HARD

 Last Sunday I completed a half marathon. 

The kids did a kid race. Everyone walked away with a medal. 

I self appointed one to the hubby for his constant willingness to let me train and that he not only got the kids to their race on time, but was there to see me cross the finish line. Bonus points for running the Kids 1k with the Bug so that I could stretch. We finished the half just about 15 minutes before the kids race and I was pooped. 

The race itself was pretty uneventful- thankfully! The forecast was for rain/shower/thunder showers. We weren't super excited. Truthfully, if it wasn't for my running partner I just *may* have bailed on this race. We ended up racing with our rain coats (mine in the pic above) because we decided we'd rather be dry and bulky than wet and light. 

Pre Race waiting- Got to the hanger at 6 and had to wait 2 hours before the race. Next year someone is going to take us later. Forget the shuttle! Too long to sit and wait. 

Here's the Fleet Feet shoe. Julie insisted that we had to have a picture with a giant shoe. :)
Bridge Selfie! We were about 1.5 miles in at this point. 

As far as the race goes.... We ran, and ran and then we decided to run a little more. The course was very comfortable and support was in all the right places. Around mile 10 my hips started getting cranky. Julia kept reminding me that they didn't hurt and that we were having fun. I was able to push through. 

We finished in 3:08. 

For those keeping track, that is a full 20 minutes slower than my first half 2 years ago. The race was hard. I pushed. I fought. I burned over 2100 calories in 3 hours. I worked. It was hard. It was MY hard.

I personally know 2 people that finished the full in under 4 hours. One finished in 3:18 (or some crazy low number like that....). For her the race was hard. It was her HARD. 

Could I have gone faster? Possibly, but not without damage to my body. After my last half marathon I threw up, had the shakes, and slept the rest of the day. I was SICK. After this half marathon I was able to watch my kids run their own race, took a 30 minute afternoon nap, and then went out to dinner with my family. The next day I felt amazing and was ready to get back on the road. 

It's so easy to compare ourselves to those around us. I didn't check my stats for this race because I KNOW that I was towards the bottom. It doesn't matter. I ran my race and I ran HARD. 

Right now my real HARD is my eating. Someone once said to me, "What's the big deal. It's not hard. Just eat healthy food". It is hard. It's my HARD. 
In my head I understand nutrition. When I'm standing at the counter with donuts it gets foggy. I've started to record a few times over the past month and just can't get back into recording. I know it works. It's not working for me right now. I have a big recording block. My plan for this week is to journal WHAT I eat (not the calories or ounces, just the food). 

I don't know what I weigh. I can no longer allow what I weigh to define success in my life. Want to know what is success? My kids ran a 1k race and Sissy wants me to find a kid triathlon for her to do. THAT is success. :)

What's your HARD?


Saturday, May 3, 2014

A Marathon Weekend

What are you plans this weekend???


Oh, it's a marathon weekend. :)

Well, a half marathon, but a marathon nonetheless. 

A coworker asked me yesterday my plans for the weekend. I called it a marathon because there's lots to do. Then I realized it's literally a marathon weekend. That made me chuckle for several hours. It's the little things. 

Friday night my best running friend (who know that I could have one of those?!) and I went to packet pick up and the race expo for our race on Sunday. The expo was pretty sparse, but my number rocks- 2323. Bug and Sissy are also doing the kid race. All of the kids are number 1. I LOVE LOVE LOVE that. So cool that everyone gets to be number 1. 

Part of packet pick up included happy hour and a trip to REI. Bonus!

Today (Saturday) brings opening season of TBall and Coach Pitch. After the games we have to stop and pick up last minute supplies for the big party. Sissy turns 9 today!!! The house is all a buzz. Bug was up at 5:45 because he wanted to be awake when she woke up on her birthday. He normally sleeps til 7....

It's 6:56, Bug and Sissy have been awake for over an hour. 

Her party is this afternoon. Then it's home for spaghetti dinner and bed.

Sunday morning I'll be rolling jumping out of bed at 4:45. The race doesn't start til 8, but the last shuttle leaves at 6:00 AM. Yuck! 

This is my first time running the Tacoma City Marathon and I'm not sure what to expect with pre race atmosphere. With Rock and Roll there was so much to do to fill my time. I know a few of the runner and hope to be able to connect with them while we wait. The forecast is for rain, but when I looked this morning the hourly forecast says showers during our race time. I'm hopeful. 

Ok, it's 7 AM. I told Sissy we could open presents at 7. 
Let's get this day started! 

What are you up to this weekend?


About Me

My photo
On June 19, 2009 I started my weight loss journey. It has become quite the journey! As of today (2-1-11) I have lost 162 pounds and have gained a whole new life. This blog is a continuation of my journey. I hope to inspire and encourage others through my process.