What I needed

Thank you, thank you, thank you to each of you that sent encouraging words after my last blog post. I wasn't in a good physical or mental space. I was floundering. I was stuck. At the time I didn't know what I needed, but knew that I needed help. There were two very different types of responses to my post. The first was a "tough love" approach. Comments like, "If you know what you need to do, then just do it". Others took a way different approach with comments such as, "How can I help?" or "Look at far come you've come".

After reading everyone's comments I knew what I needed. I needed someone, anyone, to remind me of all that I've accomplished and to offer support. I needed my fitness accomplishments to be acknowledged. It sounds so petty. Maybe it is. I should feel good intrinsically, but I am not there...yet. When someone loses weight, they get a lot of compliments. A LOT! Not a day goes by that someone doesn't tell you how amazing you look or ask you about how much you've lost. Those compliment and questions drove me to keep focused on my health and fitness goals on the days when it was hard. The compliments ended months ago, but I had my 1/2 marathon to train for. People asked weekly about my long run mileage. That drove me. I knew that I would need to report back to someone on Monday morning.

Since my 1/2 marathon I've been having an amazing summer, but it hasn't been focused on my goals. I haven't really had any goals. I've been living! Living is great, but if I continue to eat and exercise like I had been over the past month, I will start to become very limited in my living options. I have some new goals...some old goals renewed...I'm sharing my goals with you. Please, ask me about my goals. 

August Goals:

- Record food 5/7 days a week until my weight is back to my "normal" range. (Goal met this week!)
- Start lifting again using NROLW 3 times a week and do some form of cardio another 3 days a week. (Only 2 times lifting this week, but a girls gotta start somewhere)
- Drink 64 oz of water each day. (SO not met...gotta work on this one)
- Buy a bike! Today my amazing friend Julia took my bike shopping. I wish she would have taken video of me on my "test drive". That could have gone viral! I don't think that I have been on a bike in about 20 years. She said that I looked great. She is a great friend for lying to me like that. :)

Again, thank you SO much for your support. Maintenance can be a very lonely road and it's so nice to know that I have others who totally "get it" when I am so not "getting it".

~Kari

Help!!!!

Excuse me while I attempt to work through this.....


Last week I weighed myself and I was OVER 200 pounds (206 to be exact). I told one person, that's it, just one. I was so embarassed, but I knew that she'd understand. She gets me and my weight loss struggles in ways that few do.


This morning my pants didn't fit. 


Weighed myself today....208. For those of you keeping track,that means that I have gained 13 pounds in a little over a month. EEEEEEKKKKKKK!!!!!!


I didn't write about my gain last week because I was so embarrassed. I am suppose to be an example to others. How do I admit to people that I have failed? That I've gained weight! That I am once again over 200! I have let everyone down. 


I have gotten really (really, really, really) lazy with my eating choices. My workouts have been sub-par. I have been drinking 0 water and way too much soda. Don't ask me when I started drinking pop again, I really couldn't tell you.
My snacking is out of control. I am eating foods that give me know energy and am left wondering why I am starving. 


This entry is titled "Help" and that is what I need, but I just don't know what sort of help I even need. I know what to do- journal my food and stay in my calorie range, revamp my exercise to include lifting back into my routine, drink water.

What do you do when you feel so very defeated, embarrassed, frustrated, disappointed, but know that you are capable of so much more??? 

~Kari