I know, it's easy- eat less, move more.
News flash- it's SO not easy. Please don't get discouraged when people say it's easy. For someone with an addiction to food, it is never easy.
Here's my struggle- I didn't like who I had to become when I was in "losing" mode. I was often dizzy from not eating enough (1200 a day is NOT enough when you work out like I do), would pass on social invitations for fear of what food would be at the party, and weighed myself 3-4 times a day. I don't miss that person and I don't want to go back to that.
I am bordering on being "obese" again. I don't want that. I want to be healthy. I'd like to get back down to the 192ish range again. I felt good there. My clothes fit. I REFUSE to buy larger clothes.
Throw out the scale? Pshshshs. Not gonna happen. Throwing out the scale landed me at 356 pounds. Ok, maybe, just maybe it was the 3000+ calories a day with no exercise that got my there and not the fact that I didn't own a scale.....
Lately, my greatest struggle is with constantly comparing myself to those around me and even to what I was 9 months ago. I'm not fast enough, skinny enough, strong enough, pretty enough. Just not enough...
At Shred last night I had a moment....a glimpse of clarity... We were flipping tires (I LOVE flipping tires). Not a car tire, nope a big ole tractor size tire. I got to thinking, "How much does that thing weigh". I was told between 120-140 pounds. WHAT! I have lost 165 (errrr 140 right now) pounds. I carried a giant tractor tire around ALL DAY LONG! All day! Maybe, just maybe, my right now is good enough.
That feeling last for about, oh, 12 hours. I weighed in this morning. I recorded (eating around 1700 calories a day and burning 2600 calories for the week) and weight exactly the same as I did last week. Back to not being enough.
~Kari
