Friday, December 20, 2013

Sometimes I cry

I will blog today. 

I promised myself that I'd blog today. 

I wish that I had an inspiring story to share. A source of motivation. A "WOW! Look at Kari go!" sort of moment. 

Where do I start? 

After my Bod Pod test results I was super motivated. I started recording again. I recorded, and recorded, and recorded. For 3 solid weeks I tracked like a beast. I had a small loss, a gain, and then I found myself three weeks into recording weighing the same as I did on day 1 of recording. Not going to lie- this made me mad. 

A different time of the year probably would have resulted in me saying, "Sweet, I'm maintaining instead of gaining (which I have been doing consistently for like 9 months!)". It's not a different time of the year. It's Christmas. It's busy. There is food EVERYWHERE! Time is short and exercise opportunities are dwindling. 

My current weight? I have no idea. I'm scared to look. 
My fat pants almost don't fit. 

Sometimes I cry. I fear that I will go back to being that size 32 girl who would eat a cheeseburger in her car before going in to the gym. The one that avoided life for fear that she wouldn't fit. 

Vacation started today. Normally vacation is a fitness dream. My big job on vacation is to make amazing food and exercise. Christmas vacation doesn't work that way. Why can't it? 

I know that I am more that what I weigh. My fear isn't of a number on a scale, but what that number indicates. Amazing can happen at any size. I'd prefer to be amazing below 200. :) 

What now? 

It's a little after 7 AM. Sissy is up and "starrrrrving". We are going to make some biscuits and enjoy some homemade jam a co-worker gave me for Christmas. Another cup of coffee. Then I'll go for a run. I'm thankful today for our treadmill since we actually got a bit of snow last night. Chiropractor (hurray) for me. Sneaking in some last minute shopping. Dentist for the kids. Frozen, the movie, for the family with some friends. Home for dinner. Popcorn at the movies seems to be my only barrier for healthy choices today. Maybe I'll bring some sugar snap peas and sneak a kernel or two of popcorn from the kids.....

I have the tools. I have the support. The choice is mine. 


About Me

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On June 19, 2009 I started my weight loss journey. It has become quite the journey! As of today (2-1-11) I have lost 162 pounds and have gained a whole new life. This blog is a continuation of my journey. I hope to inspire and encourage others through my process.