Do I tell the truth?
Do I answer "fine"?
How do I answer this without sounding like a failure?
How am I?
Well....
I'm driving through and getting fast food more often than I am filling up my water bottle.
I just bought a candy bar at the store (ate it!) and then got a hot chocolate on the way home.
I'm eating out of bags instead of portioning out a serving.
I can't remember the last vegetable I ate.
I eat until I am full, and then have another serving.
I had pop this week on three different days. I don't drink pop!
I'm anticipating exciting future events that are causing me to struggle to focus on the right now stuff.
Here are some other truths....
I'm running farther and faster than I have in a long time.
My swims have been solid.
I went for a 30 mile bike ride on Tuesday for "fun" and actually loved every.single.minute.
I am having a TON of fun at my new school (job).
WHAT IS GOING ON???
I've thought about this a lot over the past week or so. I wish that I had amazing insights/answers to share with you.
Why have I slipped so far in my healthy eating habits?
The truth is pretty simple. I've become complacent in my nutrition. It's easier to eat lucky charms for breakfast than it is to make oatmeal. It is easier to eat a bag of chips than it is to count out a serving.
I suck at balance. I'm such an all or nothing girl. Deprive myself and eat 1200 calories a day AND workout 6 days a week? DONE!!! Forget it all and eat 3000+ calories a day? DONE!! Live in the middle? How?
Dying to know what I weigh? Not me! I have NO idea.
I let my weight define me for so long. When I was morbidly obese I defined myself as the
"big" girl. When I was losing I was that "skinny" girl. I don't know how to live in the middle. What I weigh can not be who I am.
I'm excited about my new job, challenged in my workouts in the most awesome ways, loving the fall temperatures, looking forward to seeing some friends tonight for dinner, looking forward to connecting with Emily next weekend, and scared to death that I can't get my nutrition under control and that I will return to that morbidly obese girl.
How are you?
~Kari
