Sunday, November 16, 2014

How are you?

The question "How are you" strikes fear in my heart.

 Do I tell the truth? 
Do I answer "fine"?
How do I answer this without sounding like a failure?
How am I?

 Well....

 I'm driving through and getting fast food more often than I am filling up my water bottle.

 I just bought a candy bar at the store (ate it!) and then got a hot chocolate on the way home.

 I'm eating out of bags instead of portioning out a serving.

 I can't remember the last vegetable I ate. 

 I eat until I am full, and then have another serving. 

 I had pop this week on three different days. I don't drink pop!

 I'm anticipating exciting future events that are causing me to struggle to focus on the right now stuff.  

 Here are some other truths....

 I'm running farther and faster than I have in a long time.

 My swims have been solid.

 I went for a 30 mile bike ride on Tuesday for "fun" and actually loved every.single.minute.

 I am having a TON of fun at my new school (job).
WHAT IS GOING ON???

I've thought about this a lot over the past week or so. I wish that I had amazing insights/answers to share with you.
Why have I slipped so far in my healthy eating habits? 

The truth is pretty simple. I've become complacent in my nutrition. It's easier to eat lucky charms for breakfast than it is to make oatmeal. It is easier to eat a bag of chips than it is to count out a serving. 

I suck at balance. I'm such an all or nothing girl. Deprive myself and eat 1200 calories a day AND workout 6 days a week? DONE!!! Forget it all and eat 3000+ calories a day? DONE!! Live in the middle? How? 

Dying to know what I weigh? Not me! I have NO idea. 
I let my weight define me for so long. When I was morbidly obese I defined myself as the 
"big" girl. When I was losing I was that "skinny" girl. I don't know how to live in the middle. What I weigh can not be who I am.   

So, how am I?

 I'm excited about my new job, challenged in my workouts in the most awesome ways, loving the fall temperatures, looking forward to seeing some friends tonight for dinner, looking forward to connecting with Emily next weekend, and scared to death that I can't get my nutrition under control and that I will return to that morbidly obese girl. 

 How are you?

 ~Kari

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thatTOPSlady aka Amy's avatar - Go to profile

thatTOPSlady aka Amy · 543 weeks ago

Oh my goodness, I loved this post. You are an excelling writer! And...how am I? I'm expecting to be better tomorrow than I was today and to be better 5 months from now than I ever have been. Thanks for asking :)
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Erin's avatar

Erin · 543 weeks ago

im so right there with you. Fast food. Pop. Chocolate, eating until I'm full, and then more. Actually worse because I've been only getting in one workout a week.

I'm totally the same way all or nothing. No middle ground.

I'm so glad you are rocking your workouts & loving your new job!!
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Paula's avatar

Paula · 542 weeks ago

We watched you go from that morbidly obese gal to that skinny girl. So proud we were of you. So proud you were for you. As I went through my weight loss of 40 lbs. i swore I would never gain it back. It is hard. I did gain back half of it and battle every day as most of us do if we lived that unhealthy life. You need to remember WHY you lost that weight. Was it for Kari? Was it because she wanted to be a healthy mommy so she could do things with her kids? Was it because you wanted to live a longer life to be around to see your grand kids grow up? Do you remember how excited it was fitting into those skinny clothes and how fabulous you looked? Do you remember how your daughter started running with you and how proud you were? Do you remember how hard it was? I do...I will not allow myself to be that unhealthy again. I felt awful. I looked awful. Everyday is a battle. Some worse than others. I am so glad you are still running and riding and swimming. Don't give up. I know you are frustrated. I hope you figure out what is going on before you give up. You cannot give up. You are my inspiration. Don't give up on the weight battle Kari. It is way to important to you. Remember...your dad is watching over you. You can do it with his help. Loves and Hugs.
1 reply · active 541 weeks ago
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Melissa's avatar - Go to profile

Melissa · 542 weeks ago

I share your sentiments. I always feel dishonest answering such a simple question.
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Dawn · 542 weeks ago

Kari, wish we lived down the street from each other I'd be at your house cooking or bring you to my house :) I think Paula asked a good question "why did you lose the weight?" I think you did it for you :) and for your family :) so you have the right why so it's about what is causing the struggle? Is it easier eating out than cooking? Do you want the sugary things? I do think a lot of the time it is a physiological reason not a mental one, give the body those carbs/sugar and it wants MORE. Maybe it's time to evaluate the food. I know as the years of maintenance have went by I've had to question why is the food so important to me. I'm working on letting it go. I'm doing a 30 days of no grains/no sugar. I'm on day 12 and I can say I've had peace with food and it feels good. Isn't that what we all want? I am so happy you are still working out and loving it :) I've loved reading about all your successes and I'm here for you when you struggle, so many are :) reach out and let us help you :) It's about being willing, just that first step :) want to be accountability partners on myfitnesspal? I'm here for you :) You know we are the same in so many ways :) YOU ARE TOUGH and YOU ARE WORTH IT!!! LETS DO IT TOGETHER KARI!!!! Love and hugs too :)
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Leah · 540 weeks ago

I could have written this post today. My exercise is finally getting back on track and now my eating needs to follow suit.

Your honesty is encouraging. Keep up the fight! I'm in there with you.
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510debroby's avatar - Go to profile

510debroby 1p · 540 weeks ago

Ok, honestly? There is no way you can survive on 1200 calories a day with your level of activity. You probably NEED more like 3000 calories. And if you don't eat them in a heatlhy manner, you WILL get them through whatever means necessary. Notice: you've been eating crap but your activities are improving.

I've found this TDEE calculator to be about the most accurate. What SHOULD you be eating daily? http://www.health-calc.com/diet/energy-expenditur...

I'm still on the journey of finding that balance and eating enough of the right things.

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About Me

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On June 19, 2009 I started my weight loss journey. It has become quite the journey! As of today (2-1-11) I have lost 162 pounds and have gained a whole new life. This blog is a continuation of my journey. I hope to inspire and encourage others through my process.