How I Feel

I lost weight. A lot of weight. 165 pounds. An entire person. I ran a 1/2 marathon and then another one. I completed a sprint triathlon and then an olympic one. I did ALL OF THAT!

Then...I changed jobs and didn't have to be the girl that lost weight and did races. I gained some weight.

THEN...my son was diagnosed with leukemia. Healthy eating and fitness went totally out the window at that point. They were replaced with cafeteria meals and sleeping on a fold out couch at the hospital. Thankfully, my son is in remission. He had a bone marrow transplant that consumed all of our lives from April to September.

I don't know what I weigh, but I know how I feel. Sluggish. Achy. Tired. I miss that joy that I found in pursuing my health and fitness goals. I don't like how I feel.

I informed the husband that I was going to start recording again tomorrow. Again. The thing is, I know that I can do it again. It is going to take work, but I know what my body can do when I feed it healthy foods and exercise. This isn't a "New Year, New Me" post. It's a "Getting back to Me" post.

The exciting part for me is that I am going into this next phase of my fitness life with so much more knowledge than I had the first time. I know that I don't want to be the girl that eats 1200 calories a day and exercises 6 day a week. I know that I don't want to be the girl that weighs herself every single day (sometimes more than once a day). I know that I don't want my life to revolve around losing weight.

What I do know is that I don't like how I feel and I know that I can feel amazing in my own skin once again.

I'll be starting oh-so-slow. Tomorrow morning I will weigh in so that I know about how many calories I need to get back to my 2ish pounds a week weight loss. Then, I'm meeting a friend at the Y for a weigh lifting session.

My goals for the next 4-weeks:
- Record daily (as best as possible) and meet my calorie goal 4 out of 7 days each week
- 3 workouts per week that last at least 30 minutes
- Weigh in once a week. That's it. No more. I refuse to allow the scale to control my life. Again. I've walked that road. It's not pretty.
- Blog weekly with a check-in on how I'm doing with my goals. I debated returning to blogging, but I know that it is a great tool for me to process and hold myself accountable.


Here we go again,
Kari