Last weekend I went on my 10-mile long training run with my dearest running buddy, Julia.
Halfway through the run we started talking about weight gain. It's no secret that I've put on
Here's the rub- To get down to 193 pounds I had to take some pretty drastic measures.
- 1200 calories a day
- Exercise for an hour a day, 6 days a week
- Dizzy spells
- Hair loss
- Extreme fatigue
But I was almost thin! Almost.... Actually, I was still overweight according to the BMI even after all of those efforts.
Today, I think I'm right around 220 pounds (but am too scared to check), I am eating around 2000+ (I think the + is the problem) calories a day, exercising 5 days a week and no longer experience the negative side effects of strict calorie restriction partnered with intense exercise.
I ended our run feeling comfortable with my body and accepting that, for me, heavier did mean healthier.
Fast forward to my Tuesday run.
There was a new rub. The rub between my arm and whatever you want to call the skin that hangs over your sports bra when you have gained 20 pounds.
Since my arm lift (nearly 3 years ago!) I have not struggled with jiggly arms or rubbing skin. Last night I did.
It made me sad. I spent the night examining my hanging skin. Wondering if the negative side effects of being 193 could outweigh the hang below my arm. The logical side of me thinks that if I went back to lifting consistently that I could tighten up my arms in a short amount of time.
I KNOW that I could get back to 193.
I don't KNOW that I could ever get back to 193 eating enough calories and not working out to the point of exhaustion.
Here's the reality: I feel defeated, disappointed in myself, embarrassed, angry. This is all so very hard. The logical part of my knows that to do. There is this emotional piece that wants to crawl in to bed and just give up. That middle ground of maintenance seems so far away. I don't know how people do it.
There you have it. I'm not an amazing success story. Just a regular girl who is trying to figure out how to navigate a moderate approach to eating and exercise in a world that deals only in extremes.
What about you? How do you find moderation?