I'm doing horribly. How are you? :)
Ok, so not horribly, but I am gaining weight at a horrible rate. I am close to 20 pounds over my 1/2 marathon weight and I hate it. As much as I hate it, I can't seem to stop. I KNOW (!!!!!!!) what to do, but just can't seem to bring myself to do it. I guess that that's why I haven't been blogging. No one wants to read all about how poor Kari can't seem to get it together. Ugh!
My workouts were horrible for weeks. Just this week I was able to get those back into check. I have gone back to lifting 3X a week. I love feeling strong. The other 3 days are some sort of cardio. This week I took an extra rest day (Today) just because it felt good. Working out is easy. I like how I feel when I get all sweaty and my HR monitor tells me that I've done enough. Food is, and probably always will be, the issue. I feel better when I eat better, but when I see those amazing sweets that seem to be everywhere lately I can't seem to remember how much better eating healthy feels.
How am I? I'm stuck and can't pull it together. I feel alone. I feel like I've failed. I am scared that tomorrow I will wake up and be 356 pounds again. That terrifies me. I know that if I went back to recording that my body would respond quickly and that I could be back to "normal" in 8-10 weeks, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I'm tired or recording. I'm tired of not being able to eat like other people. I'm tired of food always being so hard.
It felt so good to just get it out there. To tell someone, anyone, that I was not in a good place. I don't know my weight today. I plan on going back to Wednesday Weigh-ins. Wednesday seemed to be the best day in the past. I recorded yesterday on My Fitness Pal. It felt good to record. I passed up cookies (TWICE) yesterday. Today, I feel better. Being honest with someone really did help.
So, that's where I'm at. I'm struggling, but I can recover.
~Kari
