Floundering....a bit

To flounder: struggle or stagger helplessly or clumsily in water or mud

I'm floundering in my healthy living right now. I'm not dead. I haven't given up. I'm just sort of moving around trying to find a large body of water to immerse myself in. My large bodies of water in the past have included: recording with obsession, way-to-limited calorie intake, intense 1/2 marathon training, a balanced happy place where I was able to maintain a 165 pound weight loss for nearly a year, and most recently a slow and steady gain of 20 pounds over the past year.

I need a pool of water that is balanced, manageable, and attainable for the rest of my life. 

Next Thursday I will be having a body composition test done using Bod Pod technology. Part of me thinks that I should be working out like crazy and eating very little so that I can get the BEST results possible. Unfortunately that part isn't winning. The part that is winning is the part that says "Why bother, get bad results so that you can improve?". 

I'm doing the Bod Pod test to get a clear picture of my body- my muscle mass, my fat percent, my bone density. I need to know more than what the BMI chart will tell me. I need honest feedback. Tracking works. I was *stuck* at 192 pounds for over a year even though I was working out 6 days a week and seriously limiting my calories. 

Soooo right now, today, I'm floundering. I'm not helpless. I have amazing supports in place. More than floundering, I'm waiting. Waiting for results of an unbiased assessment to give me a clear picture of my body. Until then I do what I know is good for me- fruit and veggies, oatmeal for breakfast, milk instead of sweet creamer in my coffee, stepping away from the trick-or-treat bag, water, water, water. Oh, and a little bit of exercise. ;) 

I want to lose this weight that I've found, but I want to lose if with realistic goals in place. I tried and failed at getting down to 177 pounds (my BMI suggested HIGH "normal" weight). Part of my regain was due to a frustration with not being able to break through the 190's and reach my "ideal normal" weight. A small part of me gave up because I could never do enough.  

How do you set healthy goals? Do you focus on a specific weight? building muscle? servings of fruits and veggies? eating 6 times a day? I'm curious what goals you are striving towards. 

~Kari