Saturday, September 6, 2014

Hold My Hand

Will you come hold my hand?

I'm working my tail off during my workouts and then punishing my body with crappy foods and way to much food. I'm seeing gains in my workouts. How much more would I see if my eating was in check?

My fridge is full of wilting vegetables. I have the best of intentions. They are even cut-up. I still grab the snack size bag of oreos.

There always seems to be *something* coming up.

Monday is my birthday (I LOVE MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!). Can't record that day. What if someone gets me a cupcake. What if the family takes me out to dinner? Why should I have to limit my food on MY birthday?

Tuesday we are going to the fair. I must get a scone. Right? We can pack lunch, but have to eat dinner there. There are NO healthy choices at the fair. Right?

Wednesday. Ok, Wednesday I can record. 

Then it's  TGIF....then a concert...then another round of family birthdays...then the holidays...

I need someone to walk around with me, hold my hand, and tell me over and over and over again that the amazing food (that often really isn't that amazing....) won't fulfill me or help me achieve my fitness goals. 

It's no longer about being skinny. There is a great freedom in that.

I don't know how to measure progress without a scale.

Recording (come friend me- weighting_place on MFP) keeps me on track with my calories and overall food consumption. It really does! The battle between this is too hard vs I feel so good when I don't overeat vs why can she have a donut really sucks.

As you hold my hand, will you please remind me that what my body needs is unique to only me and that I can't spend my life comparing myself to others.

Remind me of how far I've come. 
Remind me of the girl that would eat a double cheeseburger while waiting to go in to the gym.
Remind me of the first time I crossed a finish line after a 5k and then nearly threw up because it was so very hard.
Remind me of the little girl this summer who said that she wished her mommy would play with her like I play with my babies.
Remind me of how very, very, very hard it was to only buy clothes in the big girl shops and often not find anything that was big enough. 

One last thing, while you hold my hand, whisper my goals to me over and over again so that I don't lose my focus just because I'm having a bad day...or I'm tired...or I'm celebrating...or I just forget.

A girl can dream!



  1. You know, Kari? I just love your transparency, a quick wit, community, hope, courage, and gosh I could go on! You have been a tremendous inspiration to me and helpful in telling myself, "if Kari can do it, why can't I?" So, here's a shout out to my favorite super woman. "I'm proud of you! You look great!" With that said, you may fight your prior habits to bring your body under control, but here's another thought: be careful that that "control" doesn't control your life. You aren't promised another birthday; have a half cupcake. You won't always have small children to dote on; eat only half a scone. There is always that point that I ask myself: am I controlling my diet or is my diet controlling me? I think some of the hardest things in life for us all is BALANCE. I don't think either eating birthday cake or having a scone OR denying youself both is a choice you HAVE to make. I have no right to talk as I have not lost all the weight I would like to; but that is my simple humble opinion. Good luck! And I'll be cheering you on!!! I'm in your fan club! :)

    1. Thank you Heidi! You are right, it is such a delicate balance between having a diet control your life and finding balance. My problem seems to be finding that middle ground. I rock a 1200 calories a day diet and struggle to eat a normal 2000.

  2. I realized that there is always a "special' occasion, so they really are not that special (except your birthday! that is special!). I try to decide what foods are "worth" indulging in -- usually something homemade and not deep-fried! -- and skip the rest. Oh, and I bought cauliflower last week that is rotting in my fridge. :-P

    1. Good to know I'm not alone! I agree that my birthday is special. I've been saving my Starbucks birthday reward for my actual day. I have 6 miles on tap before work so I will definitely work off that drink in the morning.


About Me

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On June 19, 2009 I started my weight loss journey. It has become quite the journey! As of today (2-1-11) I have lost 162 pounds and have gained a whole new life. This blog is a continuation of my journey. I hope to inspire and encourage others through my process.