I've spent the past few days trying to sort things out. I've been lazy about recording my food. I'm not drinking the water that I know I should be drinking. I am eating a bag of popcorn (I'm not even really hungry) and drinking a Coke Zero (only had 1/2 of my water today) while writing this blog. I don't *feel* good. I *feel* heavy. I continue to not change my behavior.
I'm scared that my surgery won't go well.
I'm scared I won't be able to get to a healthy BMI.
I'm scared that I will gain back all of my weight.
I'm scared that all of this will never be enough.
I wonder where that girl is that they wrote about in the paper that seems to have it all together. I have really appreciated all of the support that I've received since "going public" in the paper and in our school newsletter, but the support has actually increased my stress/fear/anxiety level.
I have been allowing myself to slide on making healthy choices out of fear. I don't want to gain weight so I eat- it makes no sense. This type of thinking is what caused me to weigh 356 pounds.
Ok, I'm putting on my big girl panties and setting new goals!
1. Tomorrow I will drink at least 64 ounces of water. I won't have any soda until I've had at least half of that. Feel free to ask me tomorrow how my water consumption is going. :)
2. Tomorrow I will measure and record everything that I eat.
High ho! High ho! It's back to the basics I go....