Have you been reading the Exposed blogs this week? They are incredible. Many of the blogs I read have been sharing their Exposed blog updates from 4 years ago. As far as I can tell, there was a huge movement 4 years ago for bloggers to "bare it all" to their readers. The "baring it all" came in both pictures and words and varied from blogger to blogger.
4 years ago.... Here's my personal status update from Facebook on October 4, 2013:
"4 years ago today we lost dad. 4 years. There are moments when I have to remind myself that he's really gone. It often feels like he's on a long trip. My best memories of my dad are watching him be Papa. I love that my kids were able to know and love their Papa."
4 years ago when many of the bloggers that I love were "exposing" themselves I was hiding away as far as I could. I had recommitted to losing weight (as of June 18, 2009) after the birth of my second child and had already dropped 32 pounds, but no one knew. When you are morbidly obese it takes time for people to notice weight loss. 32 pounds on a 356 pound body is barely noticeable. I was recording in secret. I was measuring my food, but only when no one was looking. I hid my attempts to lose weight for fear that I would fail and then I would disappoint those around me.
Dad died. He had cancer. He fought for 7 years and was in remission for many of those year. Cancer sucks. Eventually the cancer spread to his bones. He broke his hip walking down the stairs. Hospice for 3 weeks. He was gone. Just like that. Gone. The hospice doctor said he would live 3-6 months. He was gone in 3 weeks. I am SO thankful for him and us that he did not last for 3-6 months. I miss him. There are times that I ache for my dad. He smoked. I don't blame him for getting cancer. Cancer can attack the healthiest of bodies. There are days I wonder if he hadn't smoked if he'd still be here. Being healthy does not eliminate disease, but it does help to prevent it.
Dad died. I had already lost 32 pounds. Now was the time to make a choice- give up, eat away my grief, or continue the progress I'd already made.
I maintained through Christmas that year. Maintenance after the loss of a parent is something to be proud of. In January 2010, I started tracking again. This was the beginning of my journey to lose 165 pounds. That wasn't the plan. My plan was to be below 300. I continued to hide. Some time later I posted a picture on Facebook and someone who hadn't seen me in a while asked if I had lost weight. I posted that I had lost 90 pounds. BAM! Like that I was EXPOSED! It was out there. People started to notice. People started asking questions. All of a sudden everyone was aware that Kari was on a life changing transformation. No more hiding my progress or hiding when I slip and fall. Comments like "Can you eat this?" and "I wish I could do what you are doing" started to come from every direction. There was no hiding.
It took losing nearly 100 pounds, but finally people started to notice.
4 years ago I was hiding in so many ways. I hid my goals. I hid my struggles. I hid my successes. I hid.
For years I hid inside a bag of chips and a carton of ice cream. There are days that I am still tempted to hide. There are days that I hide. Those aren't pretty days. Thankfully I have met some amazing people in my life that check on me. That ask me hard questions. People that will no longer let me hide.
Interested in reading some "Exposed" posts? Check out these:
These 3 ladies all bring a different twist to being exposed that I really appreciate.