Saturday, January 22, 2011

I Hear Voices

Today has been hard. I started the morning at the same weight that I have been at for the past 3 weeks. Since increasing my calories to slow down my weight loss I have hovered around the same weight + or - a pound. It's exhausting to maintain! I don't have the thrill of seeing the scale move down. I need some sort of validation that what I am doing is working.
How do people live at a consistent weight?

When the scale is not moving here's what I hear:
- You are never going to lose those last 20 pounds to meet your healthy goal weight.
- The weight will start creeping back on if you don't continue to lose.
- Your success is over~ you aren't meant to be at a healthy weight.

These voices are driving me crazy. I go to step class and I can't concentrate because each time I look in the mirror I see a 356 pound girl who can't fit into booths at restaurants. I end of overeating at lunch because I figure, "What's the point? I'm not losing weight anyhow". I haven't had my water intake for the day and start thinking, "I won't meet my goal, so why even try". These voices are not new to me and I can even identify what's causing them. I haven't been sleeping well, we recently had a death in the extended family and it has caused me to relive many of the emotions that I experienced when my dad passed away, and my schedule has been out of whack at work.


I don't want to live my live as a slave to the scale! I know that my weight is just a number and that my overall healthy/fitness level is way more important. I am struggling to be content with that number and focus on just my overall well-being.

1 comment:

  1. We all say we don't want to be a slave to the scale. Very few of us actually accomplish going through life without at least having some umbilical cord attachment to that silly thing. What you are feeling is absolutely 100% normal. I know it doesn't seem like it but trust me after coming off of one of the most emotional weeks of my life (at least since being on this journey) I can tell you it's normal...

    And survivable.

    Let me repeat that: SURVIVABLE.

    No matter what you feel, you keep putting your foot forward and you step (even if it's the smallest step in the world) because YOU CAN NEVER GO BACK.

    It's not an option.

    But you probably already know that. There is no magic pill or words of wisdom that can make what you feel today (or tomorrow or next year) go away. Stay present. Listen to what you feel in your heart, mind and soul. Take notes. Trust me you will feel this way again. It's a ebb and flow of our emotions just like the tide. Some days we get it. Some days we're flailing our arms wondering if it's ever going to stop.

    Love you!

    and it the famous words of Dory: "just keep swimming..."


About Me

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On June 19, 2009 I started my weight loss journey. It has become quite the journey! As of today (2-1-11) I have lost 162 pounds and have gained a whole new life. This blog is a continuation of my journey. I hope to inspire and encourage others through my process.