Lately, I've sat down at my computer to blog and end up deleting everything that I have written. I've had a lot of victories lately, but have also really been struggling with this idea of "arriving" and "completing my journey". Good stuff first....
~ This past week we were snowed in (well, for the Pacific Northwest we were snowed in....) and I was able to get in some great workouts even though the gym was closed. I STILL met my 3000+ calories burn goal for the week through exercise.
~ On Saturday, I went with my amazing brother (the BEST uncle on the planet) and my kids innertubing. Each time I flew down the mountain I thought, "Take that 356 pounds Kari!". It was exhilirating.
~ Am totally digging my job right now. I feel like that work that I am doing is really making a difference and being a help to the people where I work.
~ We had an electrical issue that I thought was going to be a MAJOR issue and it turned out (so far) to be a minor inconvenience.
~ I am IN LOVE with my new weight lifting and interval training. My body composition is changing. I even have faint lines on my stomach that I think *might* be stomach muscles. :)
~ Eating is going well. I am settling back into normal eating habits after the holidays.
~ I've actually overcome (I think...) my scale addiction. I am now weighing myself once a week and am totally OK with that.
Like I said, good stuff is happening....
Weight loss isn't a cure for the feelings that creep up when you are alone with your thoughts. Let me give you an example...last week I was on the treadmill (stupid snow/ice) and was watching a boxing class going on behind me. I started to think, "Wow, I wish that I could do jumping jacks". Not to brag, but I perform an outstanding jumping jack, but those "fat girl" thoughts creep back into my mind. I was actually wishing that I could do something that I was fully capable of doing. The "fat girl" inside of me has been trying really hard to take control of my every thought. When I'm lifting, I worry that people will wonder, "What in the world is she doing here? This area is for strong people". I am terrified about running a half marathon in June. I don't think that I can do it.
Like I said in the title, weight loss does not cure all. I know that I am strong enough to lift. I know that I can rock a jumping jack. I know that I can complete a half marathon. BUT I am struggling with those feelings that keep creeping up that I'm not good enough, strong enough, skinny enough.
Also, weight loss isn't a cure for all medical conditions nor is being overweight a life sentence. I HATE it when doctors dismiss each and every medical issue as a result of weight loss. Yes, being a healthy weight is important to overall health, but it doesn't mean that everything will be perfect. I wanted to encourage you to head over to Tamra's blog and send her some blog love. She is struggling with wanting to conceive, but has faced a lot of obstacles. She was actually told by a doctor that she should go ahead and have gastric bypass because people don't keep weight off if they lose it naturally. GHGSFHKSDHFKLSJFLK! What?!?!?! I am here to tell you, 165 pounds later, that life-long weight loss is possible to maintain. I've maintained my loss for a year now. It is possible.
Is anyone still reading? ;) Sorry this is so long...been processing a lot lately and needed to get it out there.