A wave of terror washed over me this afternoon. I was in the middle of teaching a class, feeling super healthy, and had a minor panic attack. What if, just what if, I start to think that all of this (the food monitoring, the workouts, the continual sipping of water) isn't worth it? What if they remove all of my extra skin and then I gain back all of my extra weight? What if this all gets too hard? *BIG SIGH*
Last week my article came out and I was super proud. I got many supportive e-mails from co-workers encouraging me in my journey. One told me that I was very brave to share my story. Brave? Oh no! I never thought about it as being brave. I just wanted to encourage others with my story. Brave? No, not me. I am terrified!
Twice this week I was asked what my "ah-ha" moment was that led to me losing weight. Here's the thing- I didn't have a major moment. I wasn't scared into losing weight. One healthy decision led to another healthy decision. Success led to additional success. I wonder if that will help or hinder in the long run. What if I've shared my success with others and then let everyone down?
I wish I had a big "ah-ha" to tie up this blog, but at this moment I am flooded with the same insecurities that led me to bury my fear in food and a sedentary lifestyle. Here's the difference- tomorrow morning I am going to get up and run. I will have a healthy breakfast and take on a new day.