Thursday, March 17, 2011

What if I change my mind?

A wave of terror washed over me this afternoon. I was in the middle of teaching a class, feeling super healthy, and had a minor panic attack. What if, just what if, I start to think that all of this (the food monitoring, the workouts, the continual sipping of water) isn't worth it? What if they remove all of my extra skin and then I gain back all of my extra weight? What if this all gets too hard? *BIG SIGH*

Last week my article came out and I was super proud. I got many supportive e-mails from co-workers encouraging me in my journey. One told me that I was very brave to share my story. Brave? Oh no! I never thought about it as being brave. I just wanted to encourage others with my story. Brave? No, not me. I am terrified!

Twice this week I was asked what my "ah-ha" moment was that led to me losing weight. Here's the thing- I didn't have a major moment. I wasn't scared into losing weight. One healthy decision led to another healthy decision. Success led to additional success. I wonder if that will help or hinder in the long run. What if I've shared my success with others and then let everyone down?

I wish I had a big "ah-ha" to tie up this blog, but at this moment I am flooded with the same insecurities that led me to bury my fear in food and a sedentary lifestyle. Here's the difference- tomorrow morning I am going to get up and run. I will have a healthy breakfast and take on a new day.


  1. I think that what you said at the end is key. "Take on a new day". I think if you think of it as just a day at a time you will continue to succeed. If you think of all the longterm what ifs, it can definently be scary.
    I just found your blog and look forward to following it!

  2. Hey, really great blog posts… I've enjoyed reading through your blog because of the great style and energy you put into each post. I actually run, a blog of my personal research and experiences. If you're interested, I would love to have you on as a guest blogger. Please send me an e-mail: bob.mauer65(at)gmail(dot)com, and I can give you more information. Looking forward to hearing from you.

  3. You won't ever go back because you don't want to go back. Will you struggle at times, have doubts, feel out of control, sure but you know what to do to lose weight and be healthy and you will continue doing that. What I've realized most is learning to accept myself as I am today is the big key. I've also learned that it's TIME that helps me feel more at peace *as I mentioned before*. As for ah-ha moment I never had one either one day I just decided I was going to be willing and try yet again to lose weight for like the millionth time :) This time just worked because I put more things in my life to help me succeed than fail just as you did. So have faith in yourself you have done "it" and will continue to do "it".


About Me

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On June 19, 2009 I started my weight loss journey. It has become quite the journey! As of today (2-1-11) I have lost 162 pounds and have gained a whole new life. This blog is a continuation of my journey. I hope to inspire and encourage others through my process.