191.9- SHUT THE DOOR!

Before I tell you about my latest weigh-in I wanted to talk about my last post. THANK YOU to everyone that stopped by and offered such encouraging words. It's so nice to know that I am not the only one the struggles with the emotional side of weight-loss and insecure body image.

On to the good stuff! Friday morning....weigh in day....go pee...strip...step on scale...191.9? What?!?! Rub eyes...step on scale again...191.9 AGAIN! SHUT THE DOOR!!!!

I have not been below 192 in soooo long. I actually put 192 into my blog search feature on found 7 references over the past 11 months to 192 pounds and how I feel stuck at that number. I felt like I would never be below 192.

When I started weight lifting I went in to it with my eyes wide open. I knew that I might gain weight as I gain muscle. I knew that I might gain weight because I'd be reducing my cardio. I talked with my most trusted weight loss advisers about lifting and every single one told me that building muscle will help me with my fitness goal and keep my metabolism amped up in ways that it has never been before. To be honest with you, I didn't really believe them, but felt like I needed to try something else because I just wasn't happy with where I was at in terms of my muscular appearance and overall strength.

A weight lifting update....

I feel amazing! I am starting to see definition in my arms, thighs, and even abs. I am running faster. I have broken through an 11 month plateau. (Yep, I fully expect to continue to see the scale drop another 5-10 pounds...) I am actually burning MORE calories during the week with my weight lifting and interval training than I was when I was spending all of my time in fitness classes. I miss my friends in my classes, but I love how I feel when I am dripping in sweat at the end of my own workout. I love stopping my HR monitor and see that I had burned 740 calories in an hour on my own. I did it! It wasn't an amazing instructor. It was me. I earned this.

So, I think that I have to tell something to Kelly, Kristi, Julia, Dawn: Yep, you were right. :) Have a great rest of the weekend!

~Kari

Weight loss does not cure all.....

Lately, I've sat down at my computer to blog and end up deleting everything that I have written. I've had a lot of victories lately, but have also really been struggling with this idea of "arriving" and "completing my journey". Good stuff first....

~ This past week we were snowed in (well, for the Pacific Northwest we were snowed in....) and I was able to get in some great workouts even though the gym was closed. I STILL met my 3000+ calories burn goal for the week through exercise. 
~ On Saturday, I went with my amazing brother (the BEST uncle on the planet) and my kids innertubing. Each time I flew down the mountain I thought, "Take that 356 pounds Kari!". It was exhilirating.
~ Am totally digging my job right now. I feel like that work that I am doing is really making a difference and being a help to the people where I work. 
~ We had an electrical issue that I thought was going to be a MAJOR issue and it turned out (so far) to be a minor inconvenience.
~ I am IN LOVE with my new weight lifting and interval training. My body composition is changing. I even have faint lines on my stomach that I think *might* be stomach muscles. :)
~ Eating is going well. I am settling back into normal eating habits after the holidays.
~ I've actually overcome (I think...) my scale addiction. I am now weighing myself once a week and am totally OK with that.

Like I said, good stuff is happening....

Weight loss isn't a cure for the feelings that creep up when you are alone with your thoughts. Let me give you an example...last week I was on the treadmill (stupid snow/ice) and was watching a boxing class going on behind me. I started to think, "Wow, I wish that I could do jumping jacks". Not to brag, but I perform an outstanding jumping jack, but those "fat girl" thoughts creep back into my mind. I was actually wishing that I could do something that I was fully capable of doing. The "fat girl" inside of me has been trying really hard to take control of my every thought. When I'm lifting, I worry that people will wonder, "What in the world is she doing here? This area is for strong people". I am terrified about running a half marathon in June. I don't think that I can do it.

Like I said in the title, weight loss does not cure all. I know that I am strong enough to lift. I know that I can rock a jumping jack. I know that I can complete a half marathon. BUT I am struggling with those feelings that keep creeping up that I'm not good enough, strong enough, skinny enough.

Also, weight loss isn't a cure for all medical conditions nor is being overweight a life sentence. I HATE it when doctors dismiss each and every medical issue as a result of weight loss. Yes, being a healthy weight is important to overall health, but it doesn't mean that everything will be perfect. I wanted to encourage you to head over to Tamra's blog and send her some blog love. She is struggling with wanting to conceive, but has faced a lot of obstacles. She was actually told by a doctor that she should go ahead and have gastric bypass because people don't keep weight off if they lose it naturally. GHGSFHKSDHFKLSJFLK! What?!?!?! I am here to tell you, 165 pounds later, that life-long weight loss is possible to maintain. I've maintained my loss for a year now. It is possible.

Is anyone still reading? ;) Sorry this is so long...been processing a lot lately and needed to get it out there.

~Kari

Snow Fun

Snow pants? Check! Gloves? Check! Hats? Check!

Mommy that can pull two kids on sleds? Check!

Today is what my weight loss was all about. We bundled up the kids and headed out. We don't get a lot of snow where I live, so when we do it's a major event! I decided to take the kids over to the school where there is a little hill that they can slide down. They had their own sleds, which made it possible for me to get a lot of exercise running up and down the hill...pulling them up the hill...running/pulling them halfway down the hill and then watching them slide to the bottom. Repeat for each kid for close to an hour. I was HOT and tired by the time they were done. After the hill play we walked over to the slide (we were at a playground after all) and spend another 30 minutes climbing up and down the very icy, snow-packed slide. Did you see that? We were sliding. I wasn't on the bench watching them slide. I wasn't telling them to walk up and down the hill. We did it together. The kids wore out before I did! :) I feel good today! I have to tell you that every class, every healthy choice, every minute on the treadmill was worth the past hour and a half with my kids! Here are a few pictures of our adventure....

~Kari






Noah (AKA Bug), 4 (and a half)



Lydia(AKA Sissy), 6 (and three-quarters)



The whole gang (Minus Hubby...he's still asleep!)









What If....Part 1

So... I didn't leave my husband for the pool boy nor did I scuba dive off the coast, but I did explore my first "What if".  Here's my normal routine:

Wake up-pee-strip-weigh myself...

life happens all day...

jammies on-pee-strip-weigh myself

sleep-wake up and do it again

On Saturday morning I woke up and wondered, "What if, what if I didn't weigh myself this morning?" (Yep, here I go again...) Here's what worries me about not weighing in daily:

What if I gain weight and can't stop gaining?
What if I get lazy and don't workout because I don't know what I weigh?

What if weighing myself is what keeps me healthy?

Last Saturday I decided to take a week off from weighing myself. The fear of what *might* happen was not as strong as my desire to not let the scale control my decisions. I committed to working out (JUST LIKE NORMAL) and watching my food (JUST LIKE NORMAL). I didn't know what to expect.

I lived a normal week and guess what????? I actually lost 2 pounds!

Can you believe it?

Me neither!!!!

Not weighing myself didn't cause me to lose weight, but it did allow me to not be controlled by what the scale said. For the first few days it was difficult to not weigh myself, but by the end of the week I actually found a freedom in not having to always be accountable to the scale for my food and exercise choices. I'm not gonna lie- there were days when it was hard. Times when I wanted to just weigh myself. On Monday, I actually weighed my kids just cause I needed to weigh something!

There is a peace that comes with finally getting that what I weigh does not place a value (good or bad) on the hard work that I do to lead a healthy lifestyle. 356 pounds was a not a healthy weight, but the problem was not my weight. The problem was that I never exercised, I stuffed my body with overly processed foods, and I didn't make my health a priority. Whew! This is big folks! I am so excitied to discover my next "What if"; to challenge myself in ways that I never thought possible.

~Kari

What if????

Do you ever ask yourself "What if"? What if I would have gone on that blind date? What if I would have finished school? What if I didn't eat that jelly donut?

At the start of the year everyone was talking about their goals for the new year. Many bloggers decided that they were going to have a word or a few words that summed up their goals for the year. I refused to jump on the resolution bandwagon.

Since it is no longer "cool" to be goal setting, I'm now ready to set a goal for the year. :) Saturday morning I woke up and realized what I wanted to focus on this year. I want to focus on those "What ifs". I don't want to just focus on them. I want to answer them. What's my first "what if"???? Tune in on Friday and I'll share it with you. I started exploring my "what if" on Saturday and will be able to share more when I'm done on Friday. Nope, I'm not quiting my job or running away with the pool boy.

What about you?

Are there things in your life that you have always wondered "what if"?

~Kari

Who is this?

Have you seen this girl?

Me, July 2008

My son was looking through old pictures today.

Bug:"Mommy, who is this?"

Me: "I don't know, Bug."

Sissy: "Bug, that's Mommy before she learned how to be healthy"

Music to my ears! I love that my kids no longer recognize me as a unhealthy mommy. THEY are a large part of my motivation. I can now hold both on them on my lap with ease. Did you notice how Bug is hanging off my leg because my stomach blocks my lap in this picture?

Did Day 3 of NROLFW and am feeling great. Those 15 push-ups were SO hard (yes, even on my knees). I look forward to the day when I can do them with ease. Also, head over to Hilary's blog at The Big Weight. She is doing a fun giveaway for zipfizz. If you win, you can always share some with me. :)

Have a great weekend!
~Kari

Just checking in....

Excuse the randomness...I have a cold. :)

This has been a good week. Nothing spectacular, but a good week.

On Monday, I did my first New Rules of Lifting for Women (NROLFW) workout and felt fantastic! I've been hesitant to return to lifting and have to sacrifice my normal cardio routine. In NROLFW they suggest a 60 second rest between lifting sets. I decided to use that 60 seconds to do some interval training (running in place, jumping jacks, mountain climbers, etc). After I finished the lifting (approximately 30 minutes), I decided to spend a bit of quality time on the elliptical. My big woo-hoo from lifting with interval training was that I actually still burned over 500 calories during my workout. Tuesday was a normal cardio workout day that included running, elliptical, and stairs. On Wednesday, I was suppose to do day 2 of NROLFW. I came down with a cold on Wednesday. The gym was calling my name, so I ended up doing the workout and joining Kelly for Shred after lifting. I am soooooorrrrre today. It a good kind of sore. I'm getting really excited about the changes that I am anticipating with my appearance as I continue to lift weights.

My eating has been going really well this week, but the scale isn't moving. I'm continuing to use My Fitness Pal and have been staying under my calorie limit. I'm thinking about breaking up with my scale again. It's starting to hurt my feelings.

I went in to see the chiropractor again today. I LOVE my chiropractor. When I first started going, I was having to go every other week and was still uncomfortable most of the time. I am delighted to report that even though it's been a month between visits, that I was feeling OK going into the appointment. At this point, I am hoping to continue to go once a month to maintain my spinal health.

Rest day today for exercise and my hubby took the kids to the gym. I am enjoying some sick time on the couch. Speaking of hubby- I totally have to brag on him. Last week, while on vacation, he worked out with me a few times. He worked so hard and kept up with me the whole time. I love when we can work out together!

Drink your water, take your vitamins, wash your hands, and get plenty of sleep! It's a sick, sick world out there.

~Kari

Lifting Weights? BUT what about....

Before my surgery I read and started implementing the exercises suggested in The New Rules of Weightlifting for Women. Re-reading my blog entry from April made me remember how much I enjoyed the results that I was seeing when I had started lifting.

I love cardio! I love to sweat. I love to "earn" calories on my heart rate monitor. I love being faster. I love the immediate feedback and gratification. Lifting weights doesn't give you that instant result. My time is so limited and to lose weight (or just maintain these days) I need to burn approximately 3000 calories a week. If I increase the time that I give to lifting, i will have to decrease the time that I have for cardio. If I have less time for cardio, then I won't meet my calorie burn goal for the week.

Some things that I know about increased muscle mass.....
- burns more calories
- creates a toned appearance
- decreases the risk of osteporosis by increasing bone mass
- helps to prevent back injuries

BUT what about my cardio???? There just isn't time to do it all.

I wrote the first part of this post last night....After a good nights sleep, I've gained a bit of a new perspective.

I'm unhappy with how I look. The unhappiness stems from wanting to have a more muscular build. I'm not talking about having a body builder body, but I would like to be more toned. Being toned requires building muscle. Just like losing weight didn't happen overnight, developing a muscular appearance won't happen over night.

I'm happy(ish) with where my weight is right now. I don't feel like I need to lose X number of pounds. (Mind you, I'd still love to drop another 20 pounds....) Even if I lost more weight, I don't think that I'd find what I'm looking for in terms of my physical appearance.

So..... I'm going to spend the next few days figuring out a lifting schedule that will work within my schedule. There is a worry that if I reduce my cardio that I will gain weight. I've talked with many people who have said that once they started lifting that that is when they really noticed a weight loss (even with a reduction in cardio) and major changes in their bodies. BUT what about me? Will that happen in my body? I'll let you know....

~Kari