The Party's Over

The past few weeks have been difficult. They weren't difficult because of the food choices, the stress, or even the lack of motivation. They have been difficult because of how poorly I have felt about my own self worth. 

I gave up. 

I started calling myself fat. 

It was easier to "accept" my ultimate fate of obesity than to dig deep and persevere through Christmas. 

My workouts have been spot on, but we all know that you can't outrun a poor diet. (Diet= how I eat, not a pill or magic weight loss soup)

Here is my post Christmas announcement- My pity party has officially ended. If you already received your invitation, please disregard. I have dug myself into a pretty significant weight gain. The world hasn't ended. I am not the person that I was when I gained all that weight. I am not sentenced to the life I once knew. Food does not control me. Just because I have gained some weight does not mean that I have to continue to gain. It also does not mean that I can't lose the little (little in the grand scheme of things) that I've gained.

Did you notice my lack of numbers when talking about my weight. The scale could totally tell me how much I've gained, but I don't need that right now. It would not help me in any way to know that I've gained 20 (or 25 or 30....) pounds from my lowest weight. 

I'm slowly learning that it's not as much about the number on the scale as it is about how I feel when I am in control and putting healthy foods in my body. I am convinced that much of my body image pity party was due to not feeling good because of how much crap I was eating. 

I feel better when I eat better. 

It's December 26th. I am going to fuel my body today with amazing foods. This isn't a resolution. It's not for a month. It's not a challenge on Facebook. This is my life. 

I had a renewed energy when I woke up this morning. I got this. We got this!

How was your Christmas?

~Kari

Sometimes I cry

I will blog today. 

I promised myself that I'd blog today. 

I wish that I had an inspiring story to share. A source of motivation. A "WOW! Look at Kari go!" sort of moment. 

Where do I start? 

After my Bod Pod test results I was super motivated. I started recording again. I recorded, and recorded, and recorded. For 3 solid weeks I tracked like a beast. I had a small loss, a gain, and then I found myself three weeks into recording weighing the same as I did on day 1 of recording. Not going to lie- this made me mad. 

A different time of the year probably would have resulted in me saying, "Sweet, I'm maintaining instead of gaining (which I have been doing consistently for like 9 months!)". It's not a different time of the year. It's Christmas. It's busy. There is food EVERYWHERE! Time is short and exercise opportunities are dwindling. 

My current weight? I have no idea. I'm scared to look. 

My fat pants almost don't fit. 

Sometimes I cry. I fear that I will go back to being that size 32 girl who would eat a cheeseburger in her car before going in to the gym. The one that avoided life for fear that she wouldn't fit. 

Vacation started today. Normally vacation is a fitness dream. My big job on vacation is to make amazing food and exercise. Christmas vacation doesn't work that way. Why can't it? 

I know that I am more that what I weigh. My fear isn't of a number on a scale, but what that number indicates. Amazing can happen at any size. I'd prefer to be amazing below 200. :) 

What now? 

It's a little after 7 AM. Sissy is up and "starrrrrving". We are going to make some biscuits and enjoy some homemade jam a co-worker gave me for Christmas. Another cup of coffee. Then I'll go for a run. I'm thankful today for our treadmill since we actually got a bit of snow last night. Chiropractor (hurray) for me. Sneaking in some last minute shopping. Dentist for the kids. Frozen, the movie, for the family with some friends. Home for dinner. Popcorn at the movies seems to be my only barrier for healthy choices today. Maybe I'll bring some sugar snap peas and sneak a kernel or two of popcorn from the kids.....

I have the tools. I have the support. The choice is mine. 

~Kari

"I need some fuel"

My kids were (and continue) to be a huge motivation to me when it comes to my own weight loss and healthy living. They come with me to the gym and on the way there we frequently talk about how mommy needs to exercise to be a better mommy and have a stronger heart. We are incredibly blessed to attend a gym with a play area where the kids can actually play and get in their own exercise. They ride bikes alongside me while I run in the summers. We are involved in sports pretty much year round. Fitness and healthy eating are priorities in our home. We've come further in the fitness arena and are still working on the healthy eating. We will get there! It's hard with kids. Well, it's hard for me with kids.

I'm sure many of you saw the blog this week about how to talk to your daughters about exercise. I've read it probably 10 times since last Friday.  

Yesterday, Sissy and I were talking about my workout plan for the day. The weather has been nasty so I told her that I was going to run on the treadmill and watch a movie. She was instantly intrigued. My favorite thing about my treadmill is that it has built in speakers so I can plug in my iPod and watch TV while running. It makes treadmill running a little less boring. 

We got home and she wanted to try walking on the treadmill while watching the cross over episode between Jessie and Austin&Ally. Apparently that episode was "epic". I set her up on the treadmill at 2 MPH. Showed her the emergency rope and the stop button and she was off. Sissy walked and rested and walked and rested for the entire episode (about 30 minutes). 

She came in to the kitchen to report that she needed "more fuel" so that she could watch another episode and walk some more. Food is fuel. Food gives us the energy we need to move our bodies in ways we want. What type of food did she want? An orange! "Oranges give us good energy. Right Mom?". Right!

She wasn't walking to lose weight. She was walking because it was a "fun" way to watch her show. She was excited to see her distance increase. She set (and achieved!) a goal of 2 miles. May she always see exercise as fun!

How do you teach your kids that exercise and fitness can be fun?

~Kari

World Championship Spartan Race + Race Entry Giveaway

What will you be doing on December 7th? I'll be watching the Spartan Beast World Championships on NBC Sports.
(1:00 PM on my TV! Be sure to check your local listings and set your DVR)





This past August I was bitten by the Spartan bug. Their tag line "You'll know at the finish line" really hit home with me. At the finish line I knew that I was much stronger and capable than I ever thought possible. Since my Spartan race I have become a little Spartan obsessed. Spartan is a culture of pushing, of support, of extreme motivation, of seeing how far our bodies will go and then going a little bit further. (Ignore the fact that I ran out of the room when I saw a mouse this morning. No mice touching in a Spartan race!)

I found this description of the event on the Spartan Blog:

Spartan Race, Inc., the world’s premier obstacle racing company, known for its innovative challenges, promises even bigger surprises for the 2013 Reebok Spartan Race World Championship. Spartan Race and NBC Sports Network are collaborating on a television special which will feature the World Championship and focus on the sport of obstacle racing.

Check it out!

Spartan World Championship

December 7, 2013 ~ NBC Sports

Guess what?!?!?!  I get to give away a Spartan Race entry for the 2013-2014 race season. I'll be running again in the August 2014 Washington Sprint and would love the company.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

  

Don't want to wait to win? You can get a 15% off code by using this link: http://bit.ly/spartanwarrior

AROO!

~Kari







Quickie Weight Updated

It's been a week since I had my Bod Pod test. The dietitian suggested 1800-2000 calories a day. That amount of calories sounded crazy to me. Could I really lose eating 1800-2000 calories a day????

As Bob the Builder would say

Yes I can! In the week since I started recoding with my new calorie range I lost a pound and a half. Not a huge loss, but totally what I was aiming for. I'm sure part most of the loss was because I was recording again. 

Recording was different this time. 

There was no crankiness. No, but why can she have a cookie and I can't. No I don't want toos.

1800-2000 calories gives me room for a cookie if I want one. That makes for a happy Kari. :) 

For years people have been telling me- eat more to lose. It's finally starting to  make sense. 

I've also done some heavy lifting this week that felt OH so good. I started stage 3 of New Rules of Lifting for Women. I want to reduce my body fat. Muscle burns fat. I will not, will not, will not stop lifting. My goal is to lift 3 times a week, but will settle for 2 on super busy weeks. 

Headed out for a trail run with a friend in a little bit. 

What are you weekend plans?

~Kari

Bod Pod Test and Results

I'm going to let you read the end of the book first- My bod pod experience was liberating, but I'll get to that in the results portion.

The Test
I had to fast for 12 hours before the test. I celebrated the start of my fast with a  klondike bar 31 minutes before the start of my fast. Those things are so good. The morning of the test I intentionally got up late because I knew I couldn't drink coffee or eat. Why even get up?! 

I arrived at the office and was greeted by my tester, Lisa. We instantly connected. After talking for a few minutes she realized that we use to belong to the same gym. She remembered that I always "smiled when I exercised". I love this! I love that I look like I'm having fun when exercising because I really am. 

I shared a bit of my story. 165 pounds lost through what eventually became a 1200 calorie a day diet. 20 pounds regained after I stopped tracking. Looking for a realistic weight range for my body. 

Lisa explained the test to me and I got started.

First I took a Metabolic Resting test. I had to clip a plug on my nose and then breathe in to a tube for 10 minutes, while sitting still. Sitting still for 10 minutes is hard! 

Next was the Bod Pod. Lisa explained that there is so much air in the tube. That air remains constant. Once I get in the tube I take the place of that air, thus finding out how much volume I take up. She equated it to dropping an egg in a glass of water. Some water spills out. The difference in water is the volume of the egg. That totally makes sense. You have to wear your swimsuit (or tight clothing) for the test. I hopped in to the pod. Lisa showed me the eject button in case I needed to get out during the test. Eeek! This is serious business. The test was only 50 seconds long. Thankfully there was a clock that I could see so that I could count down the time. We did the 50 second test twice.

I got out of the pod and started to put back on my sweatshirt. She printed the results. The first thing she said was, "Don't ever eat only 1200 calories again".

WHAT?!?!! 1200 calories a day works.....


The Results
Where to start?!?!?!

Fat %- This is the only number I didn't like so I'll start there. :) There is a Body Fat Table that breaks down like this:

Risky- 40% or higher
Excess Fat- 30-40%
Moderately Lean- 22-30%

My body fat percent was 40.5! I was stunned for a minute. Lisa told me that the .5 was a pound or two and that I could consider my fat "excess" instead of risky. I'm going with excess fat, which still sounds awful. 

I was surprised and disappointed with my body fat percent until I started to consider what my fat percent must have been at 356 pounds. 40's not good, but it's leaps and bounds above where I was. I did the math and could get down to 35% if when I lose those 20 pounds that I regained. If I did the math correctly, getting down to 180 lbs would put me in the moderately lean category. 

Resting Metabolic Rate- If I did nothing and stayed in bed all day long my body would burn an estimated 1661 calories. Doing nothing I am burning more calories than I had been eating. Doing nothing. I also learned that my metabolism is 8% above the "normal" range. That shoots my "I have a slow metabolism" mantra out the window. Lisa said that my activity level probably contributes to my higher metabolism. Another reason to love my workouts. 

From my base RMR they calculate a calories per day energy output- mine was 2,450. To maintain my weight I need to consume around 2500 calories a day. This calculation is based on my exercising moderately three times a week for 30 minutes and we all know that is not true. 

Drum roll please......

My suggested calorie range to LOSE weight is 1800-2000 calories a day. 

SHUT THE FRONT DOOR! 

I need more fuel. My body needs more. 
This is probably not a shock to anyone reading this. 
People have been telling me for years that I need to eat more. 

I have been scared to "eat more" and still track. So, instead of eating more and tracking I had given up. The middle of the road is hard for me. Giving myself permission to eat more, but not eat EVERYTHING is hard. 

My nutritionist reminded me that eating more means eating an apple, not eating a snickers bar. 

What now?
Now I track, but I now track with a 1800-2000 calorie range! I eat and exercise with a fat loss goal in mind. The weight will come off. My goal is to get down to below 30% body fat. Not going to lie, that goal scares me. 

Maybe I should make a smaller goal? 

I'm going to do the Bod pod test again in June. My nutritionist said that if I didn't see the weight slowly coming off that she does nutritional counseling and that we could sit down for an hour to look at my food logs. I am totally going to her if I get a month in to recording again and don't see a 4-5 pound loss in the next month. 

Anyone still reading????

For me spending the time and money to do the Bod Pod test was one of the best things I've ever done when it comes to my own health/fitness. It liberated me to fuel my body. It gave me a clear picture of where I'm at. It reset my focus. I want to do a pull-up. 

Have you ever done a Resting Metabolic Rate or Bod Pod? I'd love to hear about your experience!

~Kari

Me? Addicted?!

Last Sunday I stepped on the scale. Up. Again. I texted a friend who I knew would get what I was feeling. She talked me off the scale edge and reminded me that I have lost more than I have regained. Here's the thing, a regain is not OK in my mind. While losing my inital 165 pounds I would occasionally "gain" a pound or two, but it always ended up being water weight. The 2-3 pounds doesn't scare me. The 20 pounds that I have gained scares me. Tomorrow if my Bod Pod test and I am SUPER excited about it. I can't wait to have something other than a BMI chart give me some guidance about my body composition and ideas about future goals.

I started recording again on Sunday. It works. It keeps me focused on my goals. It helps me to maintain my weight. When I stick with it I know that I will lose that weight that I've regained.

After only 3 days of recording, I can tell you that I already feel better. I feel in control. I have more energy because I am fueling my body with healthy foods. Never once have I been HUNGRY. I'm eating every few hours. It is enough.

Have you ever visualized a food addict in your head? I see the 500 pound person who drives through the drive through and orders three extra value meals. I see the person hiding candy bars under their bed. I see the person standing in front of the fridge in the middle of the night looking for a snack.

As I've been reflecting on my recent struggles with the scale and my eating choices I've realized that I'm a food addict. I'm not what I ever visualized a "food addict" to be. Tracking gives me a control over food that I don't have when I am left on my own. My food tracker is my support system. I know it sounds ridiculous. How can an online tracker be my support? I look to my tracker to remind me of what I've eating, of how far I've come, and my goals for the day. I have other support systems in place, but when it comes time to deciding what to eat, I look to my tracker. Most of the time it guides my decisions.

I want to be an "intuitive eater". I want to pass on a donut because it doesn't sound good. I'm not there. Yet. 

Part of me doesn't want to post this for fear of judgement. 

With deep breaths, I'm putting it out there. I am addicted to food. I have a very hard time controlling my portions. I struggle in situations where I don't have direct control of my food (restaurants, parties, potlucks). I snack nonstop on unhealthy choices. 

Today I am set up for success. My meals are planned. Today will be a good day in my ongoing struggle with food.

~Kari

Race Recap- Turn Back the Clock

Last Sunday I had the opportunity to run the Turn Back the Clock. I love smallish local races. There isn't the intensity of a big race and it's easier to focus on your personal goals. This event is usually put on by the city, but budget cuts meant that it wasn't going to happen. The local running club decided to host the event and they did an amazing job.

I run solo, but when it comes to racing I love having others with me at the starting line. For this run I had 3 coworkers there with me at the start. Pictures don't lie- I look like a giant next to these ladies! 

If you follow me on Facebook than you know that I've been working towards a goal of running the entire 5k. When I've done 5k's in the past I've done a run walk. I had been adding total running distance for the last 6 week. My last long run was 3 miles on the Wednesday before the race. I was set! 

I thought I was set! The Friday before the Sunday race I got super sick. Cold, headache, cough, fatigue. Sick.

No running Friday.
No running Saturday.

Sunday morning I woke up and felt better, but still not amazing. I was going to race. A friend texted me and told me that I could still meet my goal. I might need to slow down my pace, but I could still do it.

Never underestimate the power of a 30 second text to a friend.

I could do this! My training pace had been a 12 minute mile. Don't laugh! I can run faster, but not for 3 miles. If I stick around a 12 minute mile I can keep going.

The race started and I was feeling strong. There was a small hill. My Nike app was off a bit from the race signs (We hit a mile a block before the race mile). 1 mile down- 11:25 pace. Whoaaaaa. Time to slow down. Mile 1.5 at the turn around point- 11:40 pace. Go a little slower. I thought about walking. I thought about stopping for water. My friends were actually right behind me. There would be witnesses if I stopped. Must keep running. 

Mile 2- 11:42 pace. I've got this. 

The race was on the sidewalks, but they had police officers at the roundabouts stopping traffic. This was awesome because if I had to stop at this point I would have been one sad chick.

Mile 3- 11:50 pace. I can see the finish line. I start running towards the finish line. People were cheering for there loved ones. I kept running. They had no idea. No one knew this was the first time I had run the entire way. No one knew that I use to weigh 356 pounds. No one knew that I have been struggling with the 20 pounds that I have gained. None of that matter. I had run the entire race. I exceeded my goal pace. 

EEEEEKKKKKK! I ran the whole way.

~Kari

Floundering....a bit

To flounder: struggle or stagger helplessly or clumsily in water or mud

I'm floundering in my healthy living right now. I'm not dead. I haven't given up. I'm just sort of moving around trying to find a large body of water to immerse myself in. My large bodies of water in the past have included: recording with obsession, way-to-limited calorie intake, intense 1/2 marathon training, a balanced happy place where I was able to maintain a 165 pound weight loss for nearly a year, and most recently a slow and steady gain of 20 pounds over the past year.

I need a pool of water that is balanced, manageable, and attainable for the rest of my life. 

Next Thursday I will be having a body composition test done using Bod Pod technology. Part of me thinks that I should be working out like crazy and eating very little so that I can get the BEST results possible. Unfortunately that part isn't winning. The part that is winning is the part that says "Why bother, get bad results so that you can improve?". 

I'm doing the Bod Pod test to get a clear picture of my body- my muscle mass, my fat percent, my bone density. I need to know more than what the BMI chart will tell me. I need honest feedback. Tracking works. I was *stuck* at 192 pounds for over a year even though I was working out 6 days a week and seriously limiting my calories. 

Soooo right now, today, I'm floundering. I'm not helpless. I have amazing supports in place. More than floundering, I'm waiting. Waiting for results of an unbiased assessment to give me a clear picture of my body. Until then I do what I know is good for me- fruit and veggies, oatmeal for breakfast, milk instead of sweet creamer in my coffee, stepping away from the trick-or-treat bag, water, water, water. Oh, and a little bit of exercise. ;) 

I want to lose this weight that I've found, but I want to lose if with realistic goals in place. I tried and failed at getting down to 177 pounds (my BMI suggested HIGH "normal" weight). Part of my regain was due to a frustration with not being able to break through the 190's and reach my "ideal normal" weight. A small part of me gave up because I could never do enough.  

How do you set healthy goals? Do you focus on a specific weight? building muscle? servings of fruits and veggies? eating 6 times a day? I'm curious what goals you are striving towards. 

~Kari

7 Summits Adventure Race (SAR)

It's been too long! A while back I shared that 7SAR had contacted me about writing about their race in exchange for a free entry to the race. I can't pass up a free race entry and I was intrigued by the idea of a brand new race. I opted to do the 3 mile course instead of the 7 miles. I totally regret this decision and will talk more about that in a bit. 

Here's goes....

We arrived at 7SAR with about an hour to go before our 10 AM heat. There were plenty of port-o-potties! This is super important at any race, but especially a mud/obstacle race since there is little chance to go once the course starts. Registration was a breeze. We were given our over 21 ID verified tag and headed in to bag check. Bag check was just a row of tables where you tossed your bag (with a # on your bag). There was no one there when we dropped off our bags, which worried me, but at pick-up someone was there to verify I was taking the right bag. 

The pre-race atmosphere was exciting! You could see people completing the final obstacle (a giant slide into a pile of mud), a fire pit where post race finishers were warming up, booths with community information and food! We gathered near the starting line. There was an announcer pumping up the crowd. Waiting is always the hardest part. I could see the 1st obstacle- rolling hills. Rolling mud hills. :)

I'd be racing that day with Julia (my best race partner-in-crime), Andi (a new gym friend + her son), and a complete stranger. We start out on the rolling hills and we see this young woman stuck in the very first mud pit. Julia and I got on each side of her and helped her get her shoe out of the mud and back on her foot. She was wearing bagging sweat pants (always wear tight fitting clothing to a mud run!) and keds! We started to run together and learned that she was running by herself, doing the 7 mile course, AND this was her first obstacle course race. She instantly had my admiration! 

We approached the first obstacle and there was a huge line. Based on when the next wave was released, I'd say we spent at least 15 minutes waiting in line. It was a Tarzan swing from one hay bale to another. I was unsuccessful, but it was fun trying. After the Tarzan swing was the "African Eating Challenge". I had visions of live slimy worms, reality was that they were dead meal worms. We each popped one in our mouth and swallowed. Not too bad. 

This is where it gets a little hazy. We crawled up a HUGE hill, crawled under some rope, more hills, more rope, under a bamboo hut, more hills, through a shallow (calf high) stream, more hills, lots of mud. The last big obstacle was an ice bath. OOOOOOOHHHHH that was cold! It reminded me of the first time I tried to swim in the lake for my Sprint Tri. There was a pit with 2X4 slants. You had to duck under the slant, come up out of the water and then do it again. 

(Not me, but you get the idea. Photo credit 7Sar Facebook page)

This was my favorite obstacle. Call me crazy, I know! I loved the challenge of having to do it twice since I knew how bad it was after the first time. Also, I was able to pull two different people under the boards that were too scared to do it themselves. Working together as a team are what these races are all about. 

After the ice bath we were pretty much done. There was a tiny hill to climb up and then we crossed the finish line, except that we didn't. There wasn't really a finish line for the people who were doing the 3 miles. :( We got a dixie cup (the kind that you keep by the bathroom sink to sip water in), a buff, and we were done. 

The post race atmosphere was fun! They had a bonfire where people could buy a s'mores pack and roast marshmallows. There were plenty of showers to rinse off. No changing room/tent or even real bathrooms. Your choices were the port-a-potties or strip. I opted to strip down to my sports bra and then wrapped a towel around to change my pants. Julia drove and there was no way I was getting in to her car that muddy. Even after a rinse off, it took days to get all the mud out. 

The race was fun, but I did leave disappointed. The disappointment wasn't in the race, but in myself. There was a zip line and a giant slide after mile 3 that I didn't get to try. I should have done the 7. The 3 would have been ideal for someone new to obstacle course racing or new to fitness. I could have done more. If I do 7Sar next year I will definitely do the entire race. Someday I will stop underestimating my ability to accomplish great things. 

Thank you to 7Sar for giving me the opportunity to race! :) There is a 7Sar race in California (Jan 18th) and Florida (May 3rd) coming up in the next few month. Check them out! 

~Kari

I'm so NOT fine

My post 2 days ago was pretty discouraging. Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer. I started this blog to chronicle my journey and to encourage others along the way. Part of my quest to find balance and health comes with bad days, sometimes even bad weeks. After just "putting it out there" I felt an instant sense of relief. My community loved on me. People now know that I am struggling. I am the spokesperson for "I'm fine. It's fine. It's no problem" when I'm often not fine. I'm a fixer and currently there are some situation in my life that I can't fix. I can support. I can encourage, but I can't fix. There is a stress in not knowing all the answers. 

Since that post I am happy to report that I have slept really well for 2 nights in a row. Yesterday I tracked my food, got in my water, and had a good early morning run. I went to bed feeling amazing. Feeling in control again. 

Fitness wise I've been doing an e-course called Up and Running. It's fantastic! My goal is to run a 5K without walking on 11/3/13. I've run several 5K's but have never done it without walking. I am also lifting 3 days a week. I am on Stage 2 of New Rules of Lifting for Women. 

My Fitness Pal and I have become BFFs....again. I am cutting myself some serious slack and allowing myself 1800 net calories until I can get a Metabolic test done to find out how many calories my body really needs. 

Things are looking up. I'm refocused and aware of how work stressors have been affecting my food intake and self care (sleep, water, etc).

How are YOU?

~Kari

Just me. Just here. Just breathing.

Nothing new- life has been crazy. I've been waking up nightly with a full brain. 

Full of work stuff. 

Full of family needs. 

Full of anxiety.

I've gained some weight.

I don't know how much.

The weight doesn't matter. My pants are uncomfortable. That matters.

I called today to get a Metabolic Rate Test and Body Fat test. I need more information. I need a realistic goal. I need to know about my bodies needs today.  I don't know when I will get in to get this test done. I'm hoping sooner than later. 

I'm struggling.

I'm overeating.

I'm stuck.

I will not give up.

I will not.

How do you overcome when you get into a slump and struggle to get back in the game?

~Kari

Satisfied?

How does someone become "satisfied" with their weight? Do you ever reach that point where you're "good" with where you are at? I busted my butt at 193 pounds to lose weight- recording, exercising, training for a 1/2 marathon, and passing up party invitations for fear of what type of food they'd be serving.

Between my 1/2 marathon last June and this past summer (2013) I gained 16 pounds. It wasn't on purpose. It just sort of happened. I spent the summer sitting around 210. I tried recording again. I just can't get back into it. I tried eating "clean". That's HARD! I've made some improvements in that area but am still a work in progress. 

I started lifting again (using New Rules of Lifting for Women) a few weeks ago and am loving it. I feel stronger than I have in a long time. My muscles are starting to reappear. 

I get to be my sons soccer coach and I am loving it! I love playing, running, chasing those kids. It really is a highlight of my week. 

Good things are happening. I'm 18 pounds heavier than my "maintenance-didn't-know-this-was-maintenance" weight. 

My current weight does not satisfy me. Not because it's over 200. Not because it's a gain. My running is slower because I am heavier. This weekend I am doing 7Sar (super stoked!) and it will be more difficult to hurl my body over and through obstacles. 

At 193 I was "frail". To maintain 193 I was eating 1200-1400 calories a day. I would get dizzy. My nails were weak. I was malnourished.

I wish I had some great ending to this blog. Some revelation. 

I'm satisfied with my progress in fitness. I'm satisfied with the new healthy, clean habits I've implemented. I'm satisfied with my appearance. 

(Satisfied does not equal done. Just happy with the direction I'm going.)

Weight is just a number.... right? 

~Kari

Un-Exposed

Have you been reading the Exposed blogs this week? They are incredible. Many of the blogs I read have been sharing their Exposed blog updates from 4 years ago. As far as I can tell, there was a huge movement 4 years ago for bloggers to "bare it all" to their readers. The "baring it all" came in both pictures and words and varied from blogger to blogger. 

4 years ago.... Here's my personal status update from Facebook on October 4, 2013:

"4 years ago today we lost dad. 4 years. There are moments when I have to remind myself that he's really gone. It often feels like he's on a long trip. My best memories of my dad are watching him be Papa. I love that my kids were able to know and love their Papa."


4 years ago when many of the bloggers that I love were "exposing" themselves I was hiding away as far as I could. I had recommitted to losing weight (as of June 18, 2009) after the birth of my second child and had already dropped 32 pounds, but no one knew. When you are morbidly obese it takes time for people to notice weight loss. 32 pounds on a 356 pound body is barely noticeable. I was recording in secret. I was measuring my food, but only when no one was looking. I hid my attempts to lose weight for fear that I would fail and then I would disappoint those around me. 

Dad died. He had cancer. He fought for 7 years and was in remission for many of those year. Cancer sucks. Eventually the cancer spread to his bones. He broke his hip walking down the stairs. Hospice for 3 weeks. He was gone. Just like that. Gone. The hospice doctor said he would live 3-6 months. He was gone in 3 weeks. I am SO thankful for him and us that he did not last for 3-6 months. I miss him. There are times that I ache for my dad. He smoked. I don't blame him for getting cancer. Cancer can attack the healthiest of bodies. There are days I wonder if he hadn't smoked if he'd still be here. Being healthy does not eliminate disease, but it does help to prevent it.

Dad died. I had already lost 32 pounds. Now was the time to make a choice- give up, eat away my grief, or continue the progress I'd already made. 

I maintained through Christmas that year. Maintenance after the loss of a parent is something to be proud of. In January 2010, I started tracking again. This was the beginning of my journey to lose 165 pounds. That wasn't the plan. My plan was to be below 300. I continued to hide. Some time later I posted a picture on Facebook and someone who hadn't seen me in a while asked if I had lost weight. I posted that I had lost 90 pounds. BAM! Like that I was EXPOSED! It was out there. People started to notice. People started asking questions. All of a sudden everyone was aware that Kari was on a life changing transformation. No more hiding my progress or hiding when I slip and fall. Comments like "Can you eat this?" and "I wish I could do what you are doing" started to come from every direction. There was no hiding. 

It took losing nearly 100 pounds, but finally people started to notice.

4 years ago I was hiding in so many ways. I hid my goals. I hid my struggles. I hid my successes. I hid. 

For years I hid inside a bag of chips and a carton of ice cream. There are days that I am still tempted to hide. There are days that I hide. Those aren't pretty days. Thankfully I have met some amazing people in my life that check on me. That ask me hard questions. People that will no longer let me hide. 

Interested in reading some "Exposed" posts? Check out these:
MizFit
Roni's Weigh
Authentically Emmie

These 3 ladies all bring a different twist to being exposed that I really appreciate.

~Kari

Coach Kari, Coach Kari, Coach Kari

If you have kids in sports you've probably received a call, email or letter that sounds like this:

"Dear Parents, we find ourselves having a shortage of coaches. If we do not find ___ number of coaches than we will not be able to have soccer this year. Please consider this opportunity to make a difference in the lives of young children".

My first reaction? BLARGH!!!!! I don't have the time to coach soccer. 

Need more reasons?

- I know nothing about soccer besides stay in the white lines and don't touch the ball.

- The parents can be difficult. I know, I'm one of them.

- Soccer is cold and wet.

- Did I mention the time?

Last fall I was an "assistant coach" for my son's soccer team. I vowed after that experience to never be an assistant anything. I'm not cut out to be an assistant when it comes to leadership. Not that I always need to be in charge, but I definitely need a clearly defined position. 

Bug needs to play soccer. He needs to be active. He needs to interact socially with other kids. He needs this. I need to be a soccer coach. 

I called the coordinator and agreed to coach. The husband was dragged into agreed to be my assistant coach. There are a few practices and one game where I am not going to be there. I am so grateful for his help. This means that Sissy has to come too, so I made her my "junior assistant coach". She's good with that. :)

Before I even started I emailed all the parents to let them know:

- I'm just a mom

- I know very little about soccer

- I know how to have fun with kids

- I'm totally open to suggestions and help

We had our first game yesterday. We had fun. They don't keep score in K/1 soccer. I kept telling the kids that if they were having fun that we were winning. That seemed to work. 

The highlight of my 1st game was this conversation that took place mid play while running up and down the field. It went like this:

Cute little girl: "Coach Kari, Coach Kari, Coach Kari"

Me: "Yes, super cute little girl"

CLG: "I sure do like you"

Me: "I like you too"

She hugged me and kept running down the field.

I don't know a lot about soccer, but I know kids and I know how to make fitness fun. 

Being active with my kids is amazing! My desire to be able to run and play with them was one of my greatest motivations to becoming fit and to staying fit. Today is Sunday. I'm suppose to weigh in. It's my day. I didn't weigh myself today. My food choices SUCKED this week. They just did. Too many sweets. Too many carbs. I don't need a scale to tell me that I overate this week. Back to My Fitness Pal I go.....

~Coach Kari :)

9 is the new 11

Black is the new white.

Strong is the new skinny.

9 is the new 11.

The Weighting Place family is busy. You are probably busy. Kids are over-scheduled, but not really. Their fitness choices (AKA sports) happen to be on different nights which means that we having after school activities 4 nights a week. 

I still need to exercise. I need time to decompress. I WANT to exercise.

What's a mamma, wife, daughter, teacher, friend, soccer coach to do?

This week I started going to bed at 9 PM. 9 PM!

I don't want to go to bed at 9, but it's what I need to do to make it all happen. 

Don't tell the kids, but I've started putting them to bed 1/2 an hour earlier so that I can have an hour to watch a TV show before heading to bed. 

Morning workouts are the bomb. I'm done getting strong by 6:30 AM and ready to tackle the day.

I'm making it work. 

How do you adjust your life to make it work?


~Kari

7Sar Winner and other Randomness

We have a winner! Congratulations to Julia who is the winner of my 7SAR adventure race giveaway. For some cyber space reason her comment in MIA, but I know it was there in the beginning. :)

If you didn't win, and would still like to come out and play I have discount codes:

3 mile course: $35 off with code BLOG35

7 mile course: $70 off with code BLOG70

I set up a team called "Running from Failure" if you'd like to run with Julia and I. We are planning to be in the 10 AM heat. They will put teams in the same heat. Trust me, I know it's scary to do your 1st obstacle course race. I KNOW! Just give it a shot.....

Other Randomness

I havent' been sleeping well lately. Not really sure why. The start of the school year is always stressful. I seem to be taking way more to bed with me lately. For the teachers out there I have been dreaming about Read to Self and doing data analysis on math problems. No good at all.

I am taking 2 rest days this week. Last week I wrote about how much I hate exercise right now. Exercise makes me feel better, but not when I have so much resentment towards finding the time. Today is a school day, training after school, and then open house (8:00 AM-7:30 PM kind of day). I chose to not get up at 5:30 and run. Hopefully I'll be able to walk the track for a bit at my lunch today. 

Eating has been ok with the exception of the new candy bowl in my room. First thing on the list today is to put the candy bowl up high in the closet. Out of sight, out of mind. My water intake has been reduced in the last few days and I am noticing a difference in my skin. Starting the day off with a full water bottle.

Kids are busy with sports. Sissy is doing swimming twice a week for 2 more weeks + soccer on Saturdays. Bug is doing soccer twice a week with yours truly as his soccer coach. I have no idea what I'm doing, but we had fun at the first practice. I figure they are 5 and 6, so having fun is all that matters. 

I'm off to get my day started.

How are you?

~Kari