Fitbloggin' Bound

The house is really quiet, but in about 30 minutes things are going to be rockin! The family is taking me to the train station and I am headed to Fitbloggin in Portland. 

Nope, not scared. TERRIFIED!

I'm a pretty outgoing person, but I feel like I am late to a really big party. Many (in my mind it's all!) of these people attending already know each other. I  have two roommates. I don't know either of them. I have no stories that start with "Remember last year at Fitbloggin....". I have no amazing blog to share. My story, while important, is not uncommon in a large group of fitness bloggers. 

I'm going to miss my babies. (When do I have to stop calling them babies?) My husband is doing solo duty for 4 days. The longest I've ever been gone is 2. There are a million things to do at home.

Why am I doing this?

~ I am excited to meet many of the bloggers that I have followed for years. Some of them were the only ones that made me feel normal during my deepest struggles. Now I have to be brave enough to approach them!

~ I love learning about health and fitness. I get to hang out with other people who have common goals. People that "get" a healthy lifestyle tend to "get" me better these day. What, you don't schedule your day around your workouts???

~ The adventure is exciting and terrifying at the same time. 


I'm sure once I arrive it will be all good. When I left for college the toughest part was waiting for the plane to depart. *****DEEP BREATHS**** Going to hop in the shower, wake the family, and head to the train station. I'll keep you posted.

~Kari

Never too late

I have a dear friend who loves to use the phrase "craptastic". I smile every time I hear her say it. Craptastic makes me giggle. Yesterday was craptastic when it came to my food choices: Mcdonalds for lunch (and not a salad), 2 pop tarts, a million miniature candy bars (thank goodness those are gone now), and a big slice of lasagna with garlic bread. Ugh! My stomach turns just thinking about it. I was full. Beyond full. I continued to eat. I was fully aware of what I was doing. Fullness aside, the eating continued. Driving home from a visit with my brother I remembered this post. Duh! Emotional eating at it's finest. Craptastic!

We were greeters at church yesterday, so I didn't work out before church as I usually do on Sunday's. The play was to workout after coming home Sunday night. Driving home, full as could be, I remembered that I had committed to running for 30 minutes. UGH!!!!! I am stuffed. What's the point? I've already ruined my healthy choices for the day. It won't be a good run. I just want to lay on the couch. Craptastic. 

It's never too late to make your next health choice. 

I felt like this:

Baby Girl Post Slumber Party

It's never too late. 

I gave my body 2 hours to recoup. Grabbed my ipad and went downstairs. I knew that I needed major distractions! I decided to watch "What to Expect When You're Expecting". Well, the first 30 minutes. I did my 30. It wasn't pretty, but I got it done. 

Guess what? You probably know the end of my story....

I felt better after my run! 

My running didn't undo my choices. That wasn't my intention. It did restart my focus. I'm up this morning and ready to go. Ham and Chesse crustless quiches are in the oven. My meals are planned. Today is a new day! The candy is gone.

****** Oh and Fitbloggin is like 3 days away! I am FREAKING OUT!!!!! My biggest fear is that I will be the lame chick in the corner that no one talks to. Please, don't laugh at me if I am brave enough to come say hi to you. *****

~Kari

Breakfast Ideas Wanted

Wow! I am so thankful for everyone's responses/support regarding my last post about Baby Girl's attitudes around food. The most encouraging part was that no one else had the right answer. :) I model healthy eating and activity, I give choices, I limit unhealthy foods. I'm doing that right thing. 

So, I press on.

Last night at dinner I broached the topic of breakfast with the kids. I wanted to know what sort of healthy breakfast things I could buy for them at the store today. Baby Girl says, "What else is there besides waffles, cereal, and oatmeal". Good question Baby Girl. Today we are having egg mcmuffins with frozen biscuits (looking for an easy homemade recipe), ham or turkey lunch meat, and eggs. We also had some of the Go portable apple sauce stuff. My kids love those!

Miz Fit had a guest post with breakfast popsicles. I am going to try those this weekend. I realized through this conversation that we are stuck when it comes to breakfast. Summer is the perfect time to experiment with breakfast choices since I am off work and able to play around in the kitchen. 

What is your favorite, kid friendly, breakfast food? 

~Kari

Just let me get fat!

Let's get the ugliness out of the way and then I have a story to share....

Restart weight (5/29)- 213.6
Today (6/19)- 210.4


3 weeks- 3.2 pounds

I'm up this week. :( The "good" news is that my weight bounced up 1 1/2 pounds since Monday. I'm going with fluid retention and PMS. I thought about lying about my weight and doing Monday's weight. I want to be honest with you and with myself. I gained this week, but I don't think I gained. I'm thinking about doing a debt diet. I've never done one, have you?


Now my story.....

Breakfast is a battle in our house. For the kids it usually ends up being waffles with butter and jam. This is quickly followed by I'm soooo hungry, especially from Sissy. We've  talked more times than I can count about having a balanced diet and how our bodies need different types of fuel. I offer her a yogurt. No. I offer her fruit. No. I offer her milk. No. 

She wants carbs, and more carbs.

Mommy, can I have a piece of candy. No.
Mommy, can I have some cereal. No.
Mommy, can I have a 3rd waffle. No.

Mommy, just let me eat what I want and get fat.

Let me get fat.

Thankfully I was in the kitchen when she said this so she did not see the devastation on my face. Let me get fat. Those words rocked me to my core. Let me get fat. It brings tears to my eyes to even type them. Let me get fat.

I have been so careful to not push her about her weight (she is on the top of the scale for her height/weight and borders on being overweight). I NEVER call myself fat. I talk about going to the gym to be healthy instead of skinny. 

Let me get fat. When I heard these words I immediately flashed forward to her being an obese teenager trying to make her way. I was that girl and it sucked!
Then I imagined her being a 29 year old woman trying to figure out how to be healthy. It sucks! 

I regained my composure and answered something like this,
"Baby girl, I am your mommy and as your mommy it is my job to teach you how to be healthy. I want you to learn at 8 how to make good choices. Mommy was fat growing up and it is hard. It is even harder to learn how to be healthy at 30 years old. I will not let you get fat. I will help you be healthy because I love you and want you to be around for a long, long time".

She ate some applesauce. 

Did I win? I won on the food choice, but I didn't really win. The battle has just begun. Now I know the food and body image demons in her head. The ones that haunt me. The ones that tell me to quit because the scale jumped up one morning and it happens to be a Wednesday. 

How do parents do it? 
How do you raise children with a healthy, balanced view of food? 

I'm open! Give me your best advice.

~Kari

ALWAYS injured????

An amazing Sunday morning run, a little over 3 miles, wind at my back, didn't feel like collapsing when I finished was followed by some pretty intense low back pain. I just had an adjustment on Thursday. My chiropractor adjusts my hips (my favorite adjustment!), neck, and some stuff around my shoulder blades. Sometimes, after an aggressive adjustment, I am uncomfortable for a few days as the muscles adjust to the correct spot. My pain on Sunday wasn't that sort of sore. This was a sudden, sharp, what did I just do? sort of pain. 

A slathering of icy hot and I made it to church. Church was UNCOMFORTABLE. I ended up having to stand in the back. Once home, I did ice-heat-ice for an hour (20 min each) and was able to get off the couch. It hurts way less when I am standing. Bug and I went to a park (where I sat on a bench) and then home. I was OK the rest of the night until bed. After sleeping for about an hour, I awoke to tremendous, honey-get-the-pain meds-right-now sort of pain. For some reason he didn't like getting woken up in the middle of the night to fetch pain meds. (THANKS BABE FOR TAKING CARE OF ME!)

This middle of the night encounter led to a "you are always hurt and need to see a REAL doctor" conversation. Here we go again with the real doctor talk. After my last major injury I asked my chiro if I should be concerned because it seems like I am injured frequently. He told me that because of our lifestyles that our bodies and often abused (poor posture, sitting at computers, etc) and that we are set up to have occasional discomfort. He also said that because of my commitment to exercise that I was more prone to injury. 

I've been thinking this morning about two things:

Am I really always injured? To figure this out I am going to start tracking my aches and pains on my period app. (Am I the only one in the world using this app? I love it!!!) I think that often my pains are associated with the ebbs and flows of my cycle. Not a whole lot that I can do about that. Are they connected to my chiro adjustment? Hmmmm maybe I can also write those on the calendar. 

My other pondering has me really pondering... My core is weak. I know it is. If I improved my core strength that would probably help my low back pain. 

Can you improve core strength after 2 c-sections and a tummy tuck???? For the longest time I couldn't do core work because my stomach was too large and would bang my thighs before getting off the floor for abs. I can rock a solid plank for around 45 seconds. My core is stronger than it was even a year ago, but is still not as strong as the rest of my body. 

Deep wonderings for a Monday morning! It's summer vacation at our house, which means, for many a teacher, summer training. Off to training today while hubby gets to stay home and play with the kids. 

Less than 2 week to Fitbloggin!!!!!

~Kari

One day at a time

This week was a one day, one moment at a time sort of week. School finished up and there was quite a bit to keep me busy. Food was super challenging as there were parties every.single.day. I find myself at parties looking at normal sized people and getting angry/frustrated/sad. Why can they eat whatever they want and not be obese? How can they just walk away from a 1/2 eaten piece of cake? Why aren't they entering food into their phone to make sure they don't go over their calories for the day? Enough about them, after all this is MY blog. :) 

I did ok this week. I turned down a lot of food. I planned healthy lunches. I wanted my late night snacking.

We went to a wedding last night and I OVERate like it was my last meal. Not pretty at all. I wasn't even hungry as I stood in the line to get food and yet I stayed in the line and filled up my plate. UGH! I hate it when I make choices like that. 

I didn't weigh myself this morning because I knew it would be no good at all. I'm going to hold off on daily weigh-ins until Monday to give my body some time to process the extra sodium from last night. Here's the cool part, today is a new day. No hating myself for making bad choices last night. I woke up with a plan for today. Just today. That's all that I can control. I've been thinking a lot about my food lately. I know how to restrict my calories. I know how to overeat. What I don't know how to do is get enough HEALTHY calories for my activity level. 

My summer goal, in addition to my Sprint Tri, is to start learning about healthy foods that keep me within my calories goals AND sustain me. Do such foods exist? I don't want to go Paleo or Atkins or Cabbage Soup. I just want food. I want to be able to go to live in today's world and have the knowledge to prepare foods at home that will fill me up and support my weight loss/maintenance goals. 


How do you eat? Do you have a system? What do you do when you are out and the food that you want isn't an option?

~Kari

Earrings

How old were you when you got your ears pierced? I was at least 10, but I think it was actually 13. Wearing earrings is one of those grown up things that so many little girls want to do. I got my ears pierced, I wore my earrings, I lost them (just like my mom said I would) and then my holes started to close. Since middle school, I can count on probably 2 hands the number of times I have worn earrings. My wedding, graduation, fancy nights out. Maybe I could count on 1 hand! 

Someone at work is selling jewelry and I have been seeing beautiful earrings everywhere. On the rare occasion that I do wear earrings I can not wait to get them out at the end of the event. They throb after wearing earrings for a few hours. I want to wear earrings. They are so pretty! Hubby called on his way home from work and I announced that I wanted to get my ears pierced. My holes were nearly closed. I love that he puts up with my whims!

We went to Outback for our last-day-of-school traditional dinner. On the way home we stopped by Claire's. It is expensive to get piercings. I decided to buy small sterling silver studs and get that sucker through my  almost closed holes. Ice ears, a few bad words, and I now have both earrings in my ear. :) 

What in the world does this have to do with weight loss????

I had a goal. It took some extra steps. It was a little bit painful. I met my goal! 

Now to stick with this whole earring thing. My plan is to keep these tiny ones in for a few weeks. Baby steps, baby steps.

~Kari

How did you lose it all????

More more, eat less is usually my answer. Quickly followed by a, "1-2 pounds a week is all you need and in a year you'll be 100 pounds lighter". It's funny how I can apply that advice to other, but don't allow myself to follow those directions. It's so easy to get discourage when not losing fast enough. 

There are weeks when you don't lose and weeks when you'll drop 3-4 pounds. 

I was really good yesterday, really good. I passed on doughnuts, pizza (twice), and some yummy looking cupcakes. There are times when I will have pizza (last Saturday), cake (wedding this Saturday), and even doughnuts. Yesterday was the day before my weigh-in day. That combination of food would have led to a huge spike on the scale that I could explain, but still would not like. My body is super sensitive to sodium. 

I made good choices yesterday all week most of the week and the results are: I lost 1.7 pounds this week. 


Restart weight (5/29)- 213.6
Today (6/12)- 209.2


2 weeks- 4.4 pounds


1-2 pounds a week. Slow and steady wins the race. I'm making progress and that is exciting. More exciting than the numbers is how good I feel. I have more energy. My clothes are starting to fit better again. 


How did I lose it all? I lost it all my consistently choosing healthy. Not always, but consistently. I chose to lose it all. 

~Kari

Big Decisions

How do you make really big decisions? I mean the BIG ones!

When I was heavier I found myself continually trying to please everone. My decisions were based on popular opinion or the boy/friend that I was trying to win over. Rarely did my choices or priorities have anything to do with me. Hiding within an obese body in some way stripped away my ability to make decisions and determine what was most important to me. While dropping weight I have gained a confidence to stand up for myself and choose for me. 

I was emailed a month or so ago about an amazing job opportunity. If people were to ask me my dream job, this would pretty much be it! I turned down the job. Say what?!?!?! I turned it down because it was a significant increase in my commute. Currently I live within 8 minutes of work, church, doctors, chiropractor and my gym (maybe even Target, but that might be 10 minutes). I love LIVING in the community where I live. I love seeing my students at the grocery store and baseball games. I love that I can leave work at 4:55 and be home for dinner by 5:10. This new job would be 20 minutes away, would require (a self imposed requirement) changing the kids' school district because I want to be on the same schedule as them, and it would make my current after school/work schedule very tricky. It boiled down to my job is not my life and all the stuff of my life (Kids- AWANA, school, sports; Me- gym, chiropractor/doctor, community interactions; Husband- maybe wanting to see us instead of talking to us in the car) would be ultra complicated for a new job.

I decided not to apply for the job. Right job, wrong time in my life. I felt like I was a shoe-in if I wanted it, but I didn't apply. Some said, "This is a once in a lifetime opportunity". My response, "If it is meant to be, then it will come up again". I chose to keep my life simple over taking a job that I think I would truly love.

Just to be clear, I didn't choose not to apply out of fear. There were moments when I was considering the job that I thought that I wasn't good enough, that I didn't have what it took, that the job was too big for me. I made the decision because it was best for me, for us. 

Yesterday I got an email..... The job is going to reopen. Would I please reconsider applying? WHAT!!!!!!!!???????? My once in a lifetime opportunity has come back around....again. 

Is it God opening the door again? It is just coincidence? 

All of the reasons that I declined the job still exist. 

It would be the coolest job in the world! I think...what if it wasn't? 

I'm happy in my current position. We are getting a new principal and I believe in the direction she is taking our school. 

Where is the line between taking BIG leaps and being practical and prioritizing things other than work? 

Someone tell me what to do! :)

~Kari

Best Laid Plans

The plan: Ride to the pool (4 miles), swim 500 yards, ride home.

What really happened:

Have you seen my suit?
Where's my bike lock?
Uggghhh can't find a backpack to use!

Ok, I'm dressed. Suit on under my clothes. This feels weird. DO NOT LIKE THIS! How am I going to ride a bike with my suit on after the swim????

Bike to the pool. Nice ride, mostly downhill. A few cars didn't like sharing the road with me. I wish we had more bike lanes. 

Arrive at the pool. Lock up my bike (Yes, I found my lock). Pray that no one steals my bike. Walk in to the pool.

Pool is closed for lap swim for 2 weeks. WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?! But I called to make sure you were open. "I'm sorry Ma'am".  I am so not a Ma'am. 

Back out to the bike. No one stole it. Woo hoo! Call husband to complain.
Back on the road. 

Remember the ride home that was mostly downhill? It's uphill going back. 

Start riding home while pouting about not being able to swim. I wanted to do two sports today. WAIT! I can run when I get home!!!!

Get home, put bike away, start to run.....

Whoa! Running does not feel the same after riding your bike for 8 miles!

I ended up doing a mile with a run 1 minute, walk 1 minute pace. It was slowwwww, but I did it. 

So, I didn't get to swim yesterday, but I did bike 8 miles (while carrying a backpack full of swimming stuff that I didn't need) and run a mile afterwards. I felt like a pretty tough chick and burned 638 calories in 61 minutes. I'm cool like that.

~Kari

Weigh-In Wednesday

Today: 210.9
Last week: 210.7

I wouldn't call this week a gain, but there is definitely no loss to report. I'm not sure why. Sometimes our bodies are weird. I had some significant health victories this week that I do want to celebrate.

- I recorded 5.5/7 days (one day dinner was too complicated to record)
- I have been pop free for 11 days
- My workouts have been amazing and my weekly calories burned is getting up to 3000 again (where I was back at my maintenance weight) instead of the 2400 that I had dropped down to.

- I FEEL BETTER!

When I was gaining, and gaining, and gaining I was starting to feel like crap. I feel in control and I feel confident in my abilities to lose these 17 pounds that I still have to lose. It's funny, I complained for days months a year about being 193 and how I couldn't get below 193. I would eat off my right arm right now if it meant I could be 193. I have a closet full of clothes that don't fit or are super uncomfortable. 

So, there it is. I didn't gain, but I also didn't lose. Big fitness plans tonight. My plan calls for a bike ride and a swim, so I am going to bike to the pool, swim my little bit (between 350-500 yards) and bike back home. I think. That's the plan. Tune in tomorrow to see how it goes. :)

~Kari

Weekend Randomness

Happy Monday! We are winding up the school year (9 more get-ups, weekends don't count) and things are getting super busy around home and school. I am not the super mom that I should be, but we do our best to fit it all in- 2 different baseball teams, church, school concerts/graduations/talent shows, oh and my personal need to exercise. Lately my goal has been to enjoy the process and be open to new things. There are a lot  A LOT of changes coming up at work and while they are super scary, there is also some excitement to try new things and grow professionally. 

I'm am now one week- am I really going to do this- diet soda free. The urges are minimal and only pop up on those diet coke would go perfect with this popcorn, cheeseburger, pizza type of moments. My water intake has been back to where it should be. I'm noticing clearer skin and way less bloating around the tummy. 

This weekend was full of activity with the kids and working on my Sprint Tri training goals. Saturday was 2 baseball games, lifting+running, and a trip to the duck pond. 

Sunday was church, 45 minute bike ride all by myself (something I am coming to love), 20 minutes of yoga, a trip to Costco with one of my gal pals, and then a bike ride with baby girl. She is becoming a confident bike rider. We use to sit at the bottom of hills for way to long while she'd complain about how hard hills are and how she just couldn't get up them. Now she tackles them head on while mommy pedals behind her counting 1-2-3-4, very loudly, the whole time to get her up the hill. It's how I get up big hills and it seems to work for her too. The neighbors enjoy listening to me count. Well, they are smiling so they must enjoy it. Right???

I am amazingly blessed! I love being able to share with my kids a love for the outdoors and for being active. 

How was your weekend?

~Kari

Where's your place????

Do you have a special place that causes you to overeat? Mine's easy- My mom's house or any sort of extended family gathering. Something about being around family causes me to eat...and eat...and eat some more. 

I love my family! It's not stress, anxiety, or discomfort. Somehow, some way, when I get around people that knew me before it creates these MUST EAT NOW type of feelings. Truth be told, I feel uncomfortable not eating a lot around my family. I'm never pressured to eat by anyone else. The pressure is all mine. For example, I use to eat fruit salad with A LOT of whip cream mixed in. Now I'd be perfectly content with just fruit salad, but feel the NEED to add whip cream because that's what I've always done. "Kari, we put out whip cream because I know you like it". I could say no thank you, and no one would bat an eye, but I add the whip cream. 

At some point in my life eating a lot of food became my identity. Not sure why, or when. I don't blame anyone. I have no stories about being told that I had to eat everything on my plate before I could get dessert. I started sneaking food into my room (Kudos, Twinkies, Ding Dongs) at an early age. I remember worrying that my brothers would get more than me. My mom would find wrappers in my toy box of food that I had snuck. Food and home have long been an issue. 

I tend to make these days my "cheat" days, but I am tired of cheating my body of the nutrition that it needs. Do you have a place that sparks your need to overeat? How do you combat these feelings?